Attorney General Bill Barr's last day is tomorrow, hooray! Yes, tomorrow, Dec. 23, 2020, Bill Barr will waddle out of the Justice Department for the last time, and after that, the only authoritarian moves he'll be able to pull will involve becoming an absolute tyrant about how many butterscotches you can have from his pocket. You know, unless he does some consulting after this gig, in which case we're sure he'll find some fascist extra-curricular activity or another.

Jonathan Swan reports at Axios this morning that Donald Trump is turning on literally everyone, as Trump White House people continue to nervously leak to Swan and everybody else how scared they are of what Trump is going to do in his few remaining days in office; basically, Trump is having hallucinations about seizing voting machines and declaring martial law to steal the election. We guess the good news in that reporting is that Trump is literally turning on all the people who can 25th Amendment him, because guess what Kraken-ass Sidney Powell can't save him from? Well, really, anything, but especially that.

Barr, though, he's out. Current Deputy Attorney General Jeffrey Rosen will have to deal with whatever insanity comes from Trump in the last 29 days. And Barr used his final press conference yesterday to just take cold pisses all over his almost-former boss, as the snake tries one last time to burnish his nonexistent credibility as one of the adults in the room. As if we've forgotten him clearing Lafayette Square and having a priest gassed so Trump could hold Ivanka's prop Bible upside down over his head. As if we've forgotten all his conspiracy theories and water-carrying to investigate the investigators who did Deep State Spyings to Trump. As if we've forgotten the special treatment he gave Trump's crime friends. As if we've forgotten any of it.

Barr told reporters Monday that:

  • He would not be appointing a special counsel to investigate Hunter Biden, the Justice Department is doing a fine job with those investigations, therefore fuck off.
  • He would not be appointing a special counsel to investigate Trump's imaginary claims of massive voter fraud what stole the election from him. "If I thought a special counsel at this stage was the right tool and was appropriate, I would name one, but I haven't, and I'm not going to," Barr, who is quitting forever tomorrow, said. He reaffirmed his earlier comments about the security of the election, saying he was "sure there was fraud in this election," but nothing on the scale that changes the fact that Joe Biden repeatedly ran over Trump in his Trans Am, WITH VOTES, on Nov. 3. He said there was "no basis now for seizing machines by the federal government," and also fuck off.
  • Oh, and that massive Russian hack, the one that's compromised just about the entire US government and also many Fortune 500 companies? It was Russian. Just like Secretary of State Mike Pompeo said. "From the information that I have, I agree with Secretary Pompeo's assessment," said Barr. "It certainly appears to be the Russians, but I'm not going to discuss it beyond that."

On that last one, here's what Donald Trump said about the Russian hack when he finally said something about the Russian hack:

That's right, Trump said it wasn't Russia, that it was 'GIIIIIIIIIINA, and also too they probably hit the voting machines, which is a thing that has absolutely motherfucking bugfuck zero to do with the actual massive Russian attack Trump is allowing to be unleashed on the United States right now.

So basically, Trump's reaction was par for the course. There is nothing Russia could do to hurt America that would bother Donald Trump. Trump came into the presidency as a pathetic Russian asset who clearly hates America, and he's going out the same way, providing Russia cover to destroy the country from the inside, the outside, whatever. Wanna behead some American troops in Afghanistan, Vladimir? Donald Trump is cool with that. They were probably just suckers and losers anyway. At this point he'd probably greenlight Putin for a nuclear attack on a Democratic city if he thought it would destroy the voting machines. Seem harsh? Prove us wrong. Find us the patriotic bone in that shitmouth's body. Find it.

Anyway, mini-Kraken clown lawyer Jenna Ellis was mad so mad at Barr:

It's not that we agree with the mini-Kraken, as there is no imaginable situation wherein we'd team up, "enemy of my enemy"-style with that clownass windsock. But we are glad she and everybody in Trumpland is just really mad at Barr as he scampers out the door. And we're glad to see he's treating Trump like shit and calling out Trump's conspiracy theory lunacy on the way out.

It means these people are still eating each other, and we all still get to watch.

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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