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Bill Kristol Joins Twitter, Will Now Be Wrong 240 Characters At A Time Or Whatever

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Wowie, kids, here's big news: Mr. Excitement himself, William Kristol, the most spectacularly wrong pundit in the history of ever, has gone and gotten himself a Twitter account. Now, instead of having to wait a few days between columns or Fox News appearances in which he bloviates over who we should bomb next, we can hear it immediately. For that matter, given the astonishing number of places he'd like to bomb, he may as well just rig up a script to post "We need immediate military action in [country name] if America is to remain a credible world power" a couple times a day.


So now the man who encouraged Republicans to stop listening to young folks with their Gay Marriage -- because “Young people are sometimes wrong” -- is now on the Youngs' preferred medium of communication. Thrill to his timely discoveries, like that 2013 column when he became the last person in America to realize nobody likes Sarah Palin, except for Sarah Palin, of course. And so, here is his initial Tweet!

OMG! Why is Bill Kristol all of a sudden flirting with Mahometanism, anyway? (Don't worry -- this quote will actually keep the Muselmänner away, because it is mostly Bacon.)

And Twitter welcomed Bill Kristol as only Twitter can:

And others were simply giddy with anticipation:

But our personal favorite simply offered practical advice that fits the recipient perfectly:

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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It's the night before the two-night Democratic primary debate extravaganza, and we're already tired. Turns out having 20 candidates spread across two nights when only six or eight of them matter is not the must-see TV we all thought it was going to be! But that's not to dissuade you from getting excited! We're excited! We're so excited! We're so ...

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SCARED!

In case you need a reminder, here is how it's going to go down:

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Lately he's been blowing smoke from another orifice.

After a cursory examination of the TWELVE filings in the case against California Congressman Duncan Hunter just in the past 24 hours, we can confidently declare that that guy is a fucking idiot. The prosecutors have him by every last one of his short and curlies -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to pay for hundreds of thousands of dollars of ski trips, video games, tuition, and plane tickets for the family rabbit.

A rational human being would have pleaded down a year ago and given up his congressional seat, since he could cash out and make a lot more money as a lobbyist anyway. But not Duncan Hunter! He made the federal government chase him down and document every last carton of cigarettes, round of tequila, and Uber ride of shame home from his many girlfriends' houses in a 60-count indictment filed last August. And still this dumb sumbitch refused to admit he was caught, even after his lovely wife (and co-conspirator) Margaret Hunter flipped on him this month -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to carry on multiple affairs and you piss off the US Attorneys enough that they put every 7 a.m. Uber ride in your indictment.

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