Bill O'Reilly Tells 'Immature' Republican Gals to STFU, Wonders Why The Kids Don’t Vote Republican
Anachronistic crust beast Bill O’Reilly votes for Republicans, so why the heck don’t the kids? It must be because they are “pinheads,” or alternatively because they do not love being shamed and berated by spiteful, lascivious, hypocritical, bubble-dwelling old white men whose political philosophy can essentially be boiled down to “I got rich, ergo I am right.” Really, is there a question that answers itself more readily thanBill O’Reilly asking why young voters don’t vote Republican? Nevertheless, O’Reilly seems intent on pushing forward with his inquiries, and thank gosh for that because it is so very fun to watch Bill’s quixotic efforts to save the Republican party by being unpleasant to everyone who could possibly maybe actually, you know, save the Republican party, such as two young, intelligent lady Republicans, and also all young people!
O’Reilly apparently invited youthful ladies Alex Smith and Kristen Soltis Anderson (with whom yr Wonkette was friendly when we did speech and debate back in high school, and who remains our Facebook friend we think? and who is an excellent human being) on his show to talk about a 95-page (!) report Soltis Anderson wrote on the subject of why Republicans lost the youth vote so badly in the last election. We did not read the report because we are the youth vote (barely) and we don’t vote Republican (except one time when we voted for Arlen Specter before he switched) so we kinda know already? But in case we didn’t know, this might provide a clue:
“That sounds pretty immature, Ms. Smith,” O’Reilly told Alex Smith, the chair of the College Republican National Committee (CRNC), after asking why young people forgave President Barack Obama for the tough economy. “It doesn’t sound like a very objective analytical opinion, for want of a better word. So why should I care about this study, or why should the Republican Party care about a bunch of kids who don’t know anything, and they like the guy just because he’s flashy?…What message does that send to the GOP?”
Kids who don’t know anything, indeed! Bill, we are fairly sure kids know a few things, such as they are paying vastly more to attend college than their parents (but ask Republicans if they care); they are vastly more likely to be unemployed than other age groups (which Republicans would solve by… cutting their taxes? And also defanging the EPA, because “free markets”); they are less inclined to hate people for being gay (which do we even have to explain this one?); and even if some kids don’t know the ins and outs of economic policy, monetary policy, and all that jazz, neither does Bill O’Reilly. Also, there is some evidence that not all young women want to be fulltime mommies, but since it's mostly just young women saying that, Billo is skeptical.
Coming up next: Bill O’Reilly asks why young ladies don’t want to have sex with Bill O’Reilly? Is it because they are stupid gross dummies? Yeah, keep rubbin' that loofah, Bill.