Bill O'Reilly Wishes You Chicks Would Stop Being Such Girls

Americans are scared, and they feel like things are completely out of control, and Bill O'Reilly is ON IT. You see, this Politico poll found that, in the most contested states in the upcoming midterms, 2/3 of voters said America "has lost control of its major challenges." Huh. So people being bombarded nonstop with campaign ads about ISIS and Ebola feel like the nation is losing its grip? Can't imagine why.

And yet, even though Americans are so uneasy, respondents also said they were slightly more likely to choose Democratic candidates than Republicans. How to account for this, with an incumbent Democratic president? Easy-Peasy, says O'Reilly: Too many voters are emotional women, and they all want free stuff, too.

The answer is emotion. Democrats have been very successful in convincing some voters that the Republican party favors the rich and is anti-woman. The Republican party has not been able to put forth a leader refute those allegations effectively.

Also, maybe the incredibly stupid shit Republicans keep saying about women and the poor -- and maybe little things like cutting food stamps while continuing farm subsidies -- might have something to do with it, but we suppose that might fall under the whole not putting forth a leader to refute reality thing.

And because they're just so flighty and emotional and easily fooled by crafty Democrats, women, god bless their foofie little lady-brains, just can't break free of their irrational attachment to Democrats.

"Therefore, in every poll American women continue to favor Democrats," O'Reilly says, "no matter what happens to the nation."

Obviously, you have a choice, ladies. You can be for America, or you can be for the Democrats:

If you’re voting for the country, then you would be less likely to support the Democrats. But if you’re voting just for yourself and what you can get from the government, the option the Democrats provide, continued entitlements, is attractive.

And then something something Ebola, because that idiot Obama stubbornly listens to experts at the CDC and the World Health Organization instead of instituting a travel ban like smart people at Fox want. We kind of lost the thread of how that's supposed to illustrate a triumph of entitlements or emotions over simple logic, but maybe Obama is promising women extra slut pills if they go along with letting scary diseased Africans with their scary African diseases into the country.

In short, thank god some people like Bill O'Reilly can address America's problems without getting all emotional. Fuck it, we'll do it live! Fuckin' thing SUCKS!

[Politico / TPM]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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