Billionaire GOP Sugar Daddy Foster Friess: Stop Making Daily Caller Look Bad, By Quoting Them!
Last week, we learned the SHOCKING! news that Tucker Carlson, Fox News host and the proprietor of the cesspool known as the Daily Caller, is a sexist piece of scum. No, wait, we've known that for years. The new news is that Tucker has a brother named Buckley, and Buckley is just as wretched a human being as his brother. News, but hardly of the shocking kind.
The Brothers Carlson were quite pleased with themselves for a series of despicable emails to and about Amy Spitalnick, spokeswoman for New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio, whom they all laughably agreed was "whiny" and "annoying" for demanding that the Daily Caller issue a correction on a story that was incorrect. The nerve!
Not shockingly, the entire interwebs was appalled and disgusted -- and yet still not surprised, because that’s what we’ve come to expect from Tucker Carlson, after all. The Carlson clan, though, seemed not to have the faintest idea why everyone was getting their girly panties in a twist over Tucker’s grossly sexist email, or his brother’s hardy har hard accidental reply-all email in which he called her a "whiny little self-righteous bitch" and some other creative phrases like "spoogeneck" and "LabiaFace" (Buckley is also a "writer" at the Daily Caller, after all). Tucker insisted that he'd spoken with his brother, who assured him that he'd "meant it in the nicest way." So case closed, let's move on. Except, for some reason, people are still kind of disgusted and appalled! Lucky for them, Daily Caller's biggest shareholder is stepping in to try to help put all this unpleasantness behind them.
Republican rich dude Foster Friess -- perhaps most famous for suggesting that ladies don’t need birth control because they can just put an aspirin between their knees, like they used to do in the olden days, and for being a Rick Santorum fanboy, which is just ewwwwwww -- has proposed a novel compromise:
Foster Friess, a big-time Republican donor, told the Erik Wemple Blog in an e-mail, “Scrub your story and lets figure out a way we could reconcile them. There is way too much nastiness and negativity in the world without sensationalizing it.”
Turns out Friess is at least smart enough to be "embarrassed" by the publication of these emails -- embarrassed for the Washington Post, that is. There are so many more important issues Washington Post blogger Erik Wemple (and presumably the rest of the internet, which also covered the Daily Caller's despicable emails) should be covering. To waste precious pixels on this silly little nothing of a story is a journalistic disgrace, as an investor of, that's right, the Daily Caller, would know. Friess is also, it turns out, something of an amateur blogger himself; in 2013, he boasted about Daily Caller's "flourishing" success because of its "bipartisan approach which has taken both Republicans and Democrats to task." So the dude clearly knows how Very Serious Journalism works:
To expose a private email to the public to gain rankings by highlighting nastiness does not heal our divided world or bring credit to you as a person. Be an encourager and respecter of women. By exposing Buckley Carlson’s nasty email while putting him in a bad light also denigrates Amy Spitalnick.
So Foster Friess is really just looking out for the reputation and good name of Ms. Spitalnick, and the whole world, see? Because he's that kind of feminist, the kind who thinks it's wrong to expose the heinous sexism of the Daily Caller. Even he can admit that Buckley Carlson's email was "nasty," but wouldn't everyone be better off if it were fast-tracked down the memory hole, so we could all forget about it? For the good of journalism, and God and country, and of course Ms. Spitalnick.