Months ago, we brought you the story of those intrepid soybean farmers who steadfastly cling to their support for Trump. Some of these men were even willing to die for Trump's bullshit; this is how insane America is right now. These men are also the most important people in the nation, besides the coal miners, and the MAGA people who feel marginalized by coworkers speaking Spanish, so it is very important that we keep tabs on them. Last time we saw them, they were still supporting Trump, even though their soybeans were rotting in the fields due to high storage prices and retaliatory tariffs. Things were already rough for them, and they were in desperate need of those promised payments from the federal government, but instead Trump ate their faces off, and it was "sad."

This week, that obstinate orange foolius is up to his old trick of lying to the only people who believe him these days; he attended the 100th annual convention of the American Farm Bureau Federation. He went there to whine about his stupid wall, not to help the farmers, so you were probably fooled by that but good.

Here are the lowlights from Trump's rambling, weird, and self congratulatory speech:

From Time:

"No one understands better than our great farmers that the tough choices we make today reap rewards for centuries to come," Trump said, adding that their "greatest harvest" is yet to come.

Not to nitpick here, but this reminds me of the riches and rewards Creflo Dollar promises his flock they will receive if they buy him a new luxury jet. I'm not one to ruin a good hustle, or to act too good to get a little grift going, but damn, can a sistah get in on this shit, man? Hell, I'll fake start a "Farmers for the Wall" super pac, and put up a GoFundMe if I can keep a little measly old 20 percent. I'm not a greedy person.

"We're doing trade deals that are going to get you so much business, you're not even going to believe it," he said.

I did NOT hear much applause for this line AT ALL. Don't the farmers want MORE wonderful, easy to win trade wars? Haven't they enjoyed waiting for government checks to keep them out of bankruptcy?

"You need people to help you with the farms," Trump said. "It's going to be easier for them to get in."

Maybe if you stop deporting the actual people who fucking work there, the farmers wouldn't be quite so fucked, ever think of that? Also, your goddamn trade war hasn't been good or easy, by the way.

Agriculture Secretary Sonny Perdue last week extended the deadline for growers hurt by Trump's trade war with China to apply for federal aid meant to offset their losses. But some farmers will still have to wait until after the government reopens to see their checks. In addition, the Farm Service Agency, which distributes loans to farmers, has been shuttered since the first week of the shutdown.

See how important they are? They get welfare because they voted for Trump. And it's obvious they still love the hell out of the man who is causing them to be poor and miserable, because even with 500 protestors outside, they STILL don't blame Trump.

Richard Musel, of Bennington, Nebraska, a corn and soybean farmer, described business as "marginal" but said he doesn't blame Trump. Musel said Trump has been good to farmers and had no choice but to get tough with China. He criticized Democrats for refusing to fund the wall.

You see this shit? Not only do they not really mind the trade war marginalizing their business and destroying their profits, they actually blame Democrats for not paying the ransom. As a matter of fact, they think this pain they feel right now actually has a purpose and will help future generations of farmers. We don't know why the fuck they think that, but then again, we don't know why the fuck Trump's not in prison, so maybe WE SHOULD SHUT UP.

Everything isn't Skittles and cupcakes in Trumpville, though. Some of the farmers are at the end of their rope, and unwilling to die as a result of friendly fire in this trade war of attrition. They need their government handouts, STAT!

From WaPo:

Outside the hall, where Toby Keith music boomed, Earl Williams Jr., a Rockford, Ill., corn and soybean farmer who is on the board of directors of the Illinois Farm Bureau, said that the trade war has to end.
"We've got to do something. This is killing us in the Midwest," he said. "We've managed to alienate so many of our traditional trading partners."

Maybe some of the farmers regret their enlistment in the Soybean Soldiers militia of Trump's Trade Tariff Army? Nah. Let's close with the only black person harmed by the shutdown who will ever be interviewed. Apparently CNN and MSNBC trade guests like those weird kids used to trade Pokemon cards, because I could swear I saw him with Katy Tur also. Meet John Boyd Jr., president of the National Black Farmers Association:

He had a completely different perspective, huh?

From Crooks and Liars:

JOHN BOYD: I believe farmers like that gentleman and all due respect to him, I believe they see themselves in President Trump. White Male. Quite frankly, the people that have prospered under his leadership have been white men. Farmers probably supported Donald Trump, President Trump, excuse me, probably at a 90% rate, farmers have. But I don't support the president's policies. I believe that they're bad for farmers like myself and farmers around the country. If they continue to support that and wait it out, they're gonna end up on the auction block. I can tell you right now, today, I wouldn't lose my farm for President Trump. I wouldn't do it for President Obama ... He claims to be the best dealmaker in the world, he needs to step up and make a deal with Congress and put our federal employees back to work and put our country back to work and put me back to work as a farmer, and the members of the National Black Farmers Association. Any time we have to turn to the government for relief -- at $1.65 a bushel, historically African-American farmers have not prospered at the United States Department of Agriculture. They have not doled out loans equitably to African-American farmers. They haven't doled out subsidies to African-American farmers equally. I don't have the trust in the United States of Department of Agriculture that they are going to run to our aid. Here I am waiting for my own payment as the president of the organization for a check for $15,000 that I have yet to receive.

Well, GODDAMN!! Looks like Jim Crow woke up from his 15 minute nap, and is probably running the Department of Agriculture. It's no wonder the white farmers were willing to continue to suffer a while longer; they're getting their money and probably the black farmers' money too. For all Trump's talk about black unemployment, and sentencing reform, and how he and Kanye just, you know, click on a deeper level than most non-narcissists understand, Trump has done a horrible job at treating black people like we're full people. Give that man his 15,000 dollars, assholes! And know this, Department of Agriculture; we will be holding hearings nonstop for the next two years. You will be asked about your loan practices, on camera, in public, for as long as it takes to get the truth. You better get it straight.

[Time / WaPo / CrooksAndLiars]

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FollowWonderbitch aka Bravenak aka Bianca DeLaRosa, loves her jobs as Social Media Manager for Wonkette more than Sarah Huckabee Sanders loves lying to America. Bianca also moonlights as a Witch (THE BAD KIND!!) and is a Freelance Goddess of All Things Ever. Be very nice her because she likes to curse people, especially mean people. You can find Bianca on Twitter @bravewriting or email her at

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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