Bob Barr To Attempt Worst Comeback Tour Since Great White

Speaking of the resurrection of hateful twats, did you guys hear that Bob Barr wants to return to Congress? America had a very close call last year with the state of Georgia, when human-shaped fluffernutter Newt Gingrich came within a couple of thousand delegates of being the GOP’s nominee for president instead of whatshisname, the guy with the hair. Then Saxby Chambliss, a man we know must be horrible because the NRA loves him, announced his retirement from the Senate. Perhaps America would get lucky and he would be replaced with someone who is not a total cockwagon?

Sadly, no such luck. Georgia congressmen Phil Gingrey and Dr. Paul “Modern Medicine Is a Lie From the Pit of Hell” Broun both announced they would run for Chambliss’ seat, and whichever wins the GOP nomination is likely to win the general. Then, just to prove that there is a comedy god and She loves yr Wonkette, old dour-faced shitheel Bob Barr announced he will run for Gingrey’s seat in Georgia’s 11th District. 

Everyone remembers Shitheel Bob Barr, right? Former Georgia congressman, a staunch conservative, anti-drug warrior who chased Bill Clinton’s penis all over Washington even while fending off allegations of infidelity of his own (he was accused of having cheated on his second wife with the woman who became his third and no, we are not mixing him up with Newt Gingrich, who did the same thing). Then he became a libertarian and reversed himself on a whole bunch of positions. Now he wants to run on a Republican ticket but while taking libertarian positions like that the drug war is a terrible failure (which it is) and DOMA, which he wrote, should be struck down (good) and the gay-marriage issue devolved to the states (sorry gays in Georgia, Mississippi, et al.)

Basically, Bob Barr wants to return to the House as your new Ron Paul, but without the charm. On the plus side, he has hired the guy who made this... thing in California a few years back so Georgians will have a reason to keep their sodium-laden carcasses parked in front of the TV instead of heading back to the refrigerator every time the Falcons game cuts to commercial.

Oh Georgia, you are shaping up to be our most funnest state of the 2014 campaign.

[ Atlanta Journal-Whatchamajigger ]