Bob Dole: Evil Clown, Or Evilest Clown?
In case you missed what could be the pivotal last-minute issue that decides the control of the Senate, (or just as likely, doesn't), it would appear that a lot of Kansas Republicans are either genuinely outraged or perhaps pretending to be outraged that independent candidate Greg Orman kind of indirectly called Bob Dole a "clown" last Friday.
It's important enough that Orman sent Dole a personal 256-word e-mail to explain that his intention was not to attribute to the esteemed former Kansas senator any tendencies to wear greasepaint or big floppy shoes at all, even though it is well known that Dole, like clowns, is terrifying to many young children.
Multiple bigtime Republicans have emerged from the woodwork to put in a word for incumbent Sen. Pat Roberts, which Orman oh-so-offensively described thusly: “It sort of seems like a Washington establishment clown car to me. Every day a new person comes out of that car."
There was much harrumphing! How dare Orman call respected esteemed beloved senior emeritus Kansas GOP icon Bob Dole a -- shudder! -- clown! Never mind that most of the teabaggers who have taken over the Kansas GOP would no doubt shun him as a RINO if he were still in office. Them's fighting words when applied to the many distinguished supporters of Pat Roberts, aka "Embattled incumbent Pat Roberts," "surprisingly embattled Sen. Pat Roberts," "Who?" and "Oh -- not the televangelist, the senator. Right."
So here's the crucial distinction, according to Orman's parsing, as addressed to the respected icon and retired pitchman for Pepsi and Viagra (but not together. Ask your doctor):
I'm reaching out to you directly as I understand Pat Roberts' campaign has issued a statement accusing me of calling you (and others) "clowns." I want to assure you that this is not true and is not my opinion of you in any way, shape or form. I have the utmost respect for you... [blahblahblah flattery omitted]
The remark the Roberts' campaign is quoting has been deliberately taken out of context. My reference to a "clown car" was commenting on the near-endless number of political supporters of Senator Roberts who have piled out of Washington to support him, none of whom I think are clowns. I certainly wasn't calling you - or any of the others supporting Senator Roberts - a "clown." As you may have noticed during this campaign, I refuse to stoop to character assassinations, have eschewed negative campaigning and will not use rhetoric of that sort.
All I said was that you are like unto a passenger in a clown car, not that you are, yourself a clown. You are in fact most likely simply a distinguished but somewhat befuddled rider of the clown car, finding yourself surprised at the absurdity of your conveyance!
In the future, I will be more careful with my comparisons. All I meant was that a whole bunch of people who have never given Pat Roberts the time of day have recently been tumbling out of seemingly nowhere like idiot children from Michelle Duggars' vagina, is all.
Thank you and best regards ...
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.