Bobby Jindal Explains: Racism Is Stupid Because Aren't We All Christians Anyway?

Paleoconservative Peter Pan Bobby Jindal has written a thing about how racism is bad. Maybe you read it, because it was the top thing on Politico this morning, goddamn it, August, you suck. Probably some people read it because they're like "Heck yes Bobby Jindal, racism IS bad and you are an inspiration to us all!" But probably more people read it because they're like "Hey Bobby here's a pitch for you: WATER IS WET and P.S. I am so glad I don't live in fucking Louisiana." Seriously, just google Louisiana ranked last , then remember that Bobby Jindal is on everyone's list of the top five candidates for the GOP presidential nomination in 2016. Then do whatever you want, because you've earned it . Here is Bobby Jindal's famous impersonation of someone impersonating someone saying something interesting:

Scan the news on any given day in America, and you will invariably find multiple stories about race, racism, ethnicity, and race relations. We can’t seem to get enough of this topic, and correspondingly, the media appetite for all things race-related is unquenchable.

No, actually we can definitely get enough of this topic. News, enough of this topic! Bobby Jindal, enough of this topic!

Racism is one of the more tragic features of the human condition. Like greed, envy, and other sins, it has been around for thousands of years, on every continent.

Did you know that they STILL have penguins-only lunch counters in Antarctica? Shame.

In 2003, I decided to run for governor of Louisiana, a state where David Duke got 44 percent of the statewide vote in 1990... I wish I had a nickel for every time East Coast political journalists have asked me about discrimination, and I wish I had a dime for every Louisiana voter who has broken those journalists’ ugly stereotypes.

So Louisianans like David Duke because... they're not racist?

(By the way, I noticed recently that the president of the United States, a man with whom I disagree with on almost everything, seems to have darker skin than most Americans. He hasn’t had a problem getting elected.)

Yeah, weird, maybe Obama's electoral success had something to do with the "almost everything" you disagree with him on! Please run for president, Bobby.

When I look at America, I see a country that increasingly has lost its way in terms of morality. As a Christian, as I look at American culture over the past half century, I don’t like a lot of what I see. Divorce is through the roof, pornography is everywhere, sexual predators are on the loose and on the Internet, our abortion rate is higher than almost every First World country, vulgarity and profanity are mainstream and commonplace. In general, our culture has become coarser, and I regret that.

Hmm, this has nothing to do with racism, but at least it was inane!

There is nothing wrong with people being proud of their different heritages. We have a long tradition of folks from all different backgrounds incorporating their traditions into the American experience, but we must resist the politically correct trend of changing the melting pot into a salad bowl. E pluribus Unum.

Give this boy a college scholarship, stat! Finally, the money shot:

We are all created in the image of God — skinny, fat, tall, short, dark, light, whatever. Who cares? What does it matter? It’s time to get over it. It’s time for the end of race in America. Now that would be progress.

Yes, yes, now we see! Let's not fight over silly things like race when EVERYONE KNOWS that we were all made by the same Christian God that everybody believes in without exception!

Bobby Jindal, here is an East Coast "Journalist" Ugly Stereotype for you: You would not be governor of Louisiana if you weren't so very, very Christian that you literally cannot stop yourself from talking about how Christian you are, and did you mention that you're a Christian?

In conclusion, Bobby Jindal is a Christian.

[ Politico ]