Bolton Tells Mulvaney To Find His Own Mustache Ride

If Mick Mulvaney and John Bolton were drowning and you could only save one, which would it be? Never mind, DON'T ANSWER THAT. The point is, these ghouls are suing, and unfortunately they couldn't both lose. Apparently Bolton's former deputy kicked Mulvaney in the pink bits and forced him to go find his own lawsuit. More or less.

On October 25, John Bolton's former deputy at the NSA, Charles Kupperman, sued the House of Representatives, which had subpoenaed him to testify, and Donald Trump, who had ordered him not to. Kupperman argued that he was stuck between two competing authorities and needed the court to break the tie. Although Bolton isn't directly involved in this case, it's viewed as a proxy for his interests because he and Kupperman share the same lawyers and because Bolton had made clear that he would testify if ordered to do so by a court.

Even though the case was put on an expedited docket, it would very likely drag out through the rest of the year. And the House doesn't have time to screw around with Kupperman and by proxy Bolton, particularly since they already have several State Department and National Security Council witnesses in pocket. So the House dropped the subpoena and moved to get the case dismissed, reasoning that the decision on Don McGahn's testimony, expected within a month, should cover Kupperman and Bolton. And although Bolton and Kupperman said they had no intention of being guided by McGahn's order, they were delighted to have the threat of congressional contempt removed.

But then, Mick Mulvaney tried to horn in and make it a threesome, just him, Kupperman and (on the DL) John Bolton. Bow Chicka Bow Bow! Reasoning that he was in an analogous position to Kupperman -- that is, stuck between Trump and the House -- Mulvaney tried to join the suit against his own beloved boss and Shifty Schiff. Which is an odd position, not least because Mulvaney and Bolton have always despised each other. But no one ever accused Mick Mulvaney of being a man of principle, so, there you have it.

"HENGH???" shouted all of DC in unison, before turning back to the eleventy-thousand pages of impeachment transcripts. What the hell was Mulvaney up to? Was it a ploy to give cover to the Trumpers claiming a right not to testify by keeping the legal issue alive? Was Mulvaney hedging his bets in case he himself gets You're Fired and finds himself facing Congress without the DOJ backing him up? Or was he just A IDIOT?

But Kupperman (and Bolton) didn't care about his reasoning, they just wanted Mulvaney to piss off and find his own mustache to ride. Kupperman immediately objected, arguing that he has nothing in common with that hillbilly Mulvaney, who (1) is still employed by the administration, (2) has agreed that Trump has the right to stop him testifying, unlike Kupperman who is neutral, (3) doesn't work on national security issues, and is thus not going to be testifying about classified matters, and (4) is A IDIOT who already waived privilege by confessing to crimes on national television.

Mulvaney has publicly discussed the events at issue in the House's impeachment inquiry, including appearing to admit that there was a quid pro quo relationship between the President's decision to withhold appropriated financial assistance from Ukraine and a Ukrainian investigation into what happened to a Democratic server in 2016 (an admission he subsequently sought to disavow). Plaintiff, in contrast, has never publicly disclosed information relating to any of his official duties, including the matters under investigation by the House. Accordingly, there is a serious question as to whether Mulvaney waived the absolute testimonial immunity claimed by the President such that a judgment in Plaintiff's case upholding the claim of immunity will not necessarily apply to Mulvaney.

The House also filed a Get Lost, Mick motion, and yesterday Judge Richard Leon held a teleconference with all the parties where he made it entirely clear that he was going to toss Mulvaney off the case, saying, "So unless and until Mr. Mulvaney withdraws his motion, I will plan on issuing my ruling within the next hour or so, hour and a half, whatever, on the motion. But as of right now, I am not inclined to grant the motion to intervene." At which point, Mulvaney took the hint, rolled up his deflated manhood and withdrew, promising to refile on his own post haste, only to rethink in the morning and decide that Donald Trump is his REAL DADDY after all.

So, if you were wondering if Mulvaney is a limpdick who's terrified he's about to be fired and fed into the congressional woodchipper as a scapegoat, there's your answer. And from the tenor of the conference call, it appears that Kupperman (and Bolton) are opposing the motion to dismiss for mootness.

Making Lawyers Great Again -- Donald Trump's only real accomplishment.

[Kupperman Response to Mulvaney Motion to Intervene / Transcript of Status Conference]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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