BOY, BYE! And Don't Even Think About Swiping The White House China.
Donald Trump Goodbye GIF by Jef Caine

It's all over but the whiiiiiiiiiining.

On January 20, 2021, Joe Biden will be sworn in as the 46th president of the United States. But there's going to be a whole lot of squealing from the losers between now and then. With exactly zero evidence of fraud, the president and his allies are blanketing the media with concocted allegations of impropriety. And as usual, Trump's worthless children are leading the charge.

Demure Ivanka simply implies the existence of "illegal ballots," tweeting "Every legally cast vote should be counted. Every illegally cast vote should not. This should not be controversial. This is not a partisan statement — free and fair elections are the foundation of our democracy." And no, Princess will not be taking questions, Peasant!

Dumb Eric, who promised four years ago that he'd be running the business and staying out of politics, has been traveling to Pennsylvania with Rudy shouting about mythical ballots appearing from nowhere and threatening the GOP if it doesn't get behind "our voters" to fight the will of the American people. "Where are Republicans!" he wailed. "Have some backbone. Fight against this fraud. Our voters will never forget you if your [sic] sheep!"

What. Ever.

But watching budget European carrier Ryanair kick that guy's ass has been glorious.

And Deej's Twitter feed is just a fountain of nonsense conspiracies and complaints that the entire GOP isn't storming the vote count in Philly to help his father steal another election.

Yeah yeah, cry harder.

Over at the White House, the mood is souring. CNN reports the staff is engaged in a fierce rock-paper-scissors tournament to see who has to tell the old man it's all over. (More or less.) Meanwhile Republican lawyers are headed to Pennsylvania to sue the state for ... something. Look, they'll figure it out when they get there. The main point is, look out Philly Dems because Briscoe Cain is on the way with a can of Texas whoopass.

Oh, shit! Between this guy and Harlan Hill, Gritty won't know what hit him!

Check out Trump campaign lawyer Harmeet Dhillon, who clerked for a federal judge and knows goddamn well that this is not how law goes, explaining to Lou Dobbs that the Trump campaign is counting on Justice Amy Coney Barrett to do them a solid and overturn the vote.

Fact check: The Trump campaign's only case before the Supreme Court involves a handful of late arriving ballots in Pennsylvania. And even if they win, it won't undo a 75,000 vote margin for Biden in the state.

This is all just all noise. Or, as Biden campaign lawyer Bob Bauer put it, "All of this is intended to create a large cloud that, it is the hope of the Trump campaign, that nobody can see through. But it is not a very thick cloud. It's not hard to see what they're doing. We see through it. So will the courts, and so do election officials."

Cloud or no cloud, it's over. Lou Dobbs can call for a MAGA swarm on Philadelphia, and Lindsey Graham can beg the universe for faithless electors, and Ted Cruz can make baseless allegations of fraud, and none of it is going to unbake the cake we all shoved in the oven four days ago. Or a month ago, depending on when you sent in your ballot.

Who gives a flying fuck if he concedes, or accepts the results, or whines about it on the golf course for the rest of his miserable life? Not our problem.

This four year waking nightmare is coming to an end. FINALLY.

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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