Branch Covidians Declare White Salon-Owner Lady New Rosa Parks
Conservatives are always on the hunt for their own versions of liberal icons and movements of the past, largely because all of the right-wing icons and movements of the past are super-embarrassing now. For instance, whenever one of them does something remotely resembling an act of civil disobedience, they are very quick to declare that person The New Rosa Parks, But For Conservatives. Like when Pamela Geller declared herself The Rosa Parks Of Being Shitty To Muslim People, or when several conservatives declared Kentucky county clerk lady Kim Davis to be The Rosa Parks of Being Shitty To Gay People. Or like last week when Trump adviser Stephen Moore declared the Reopen America idiots The Rosa Parks Of Killing The Rest Of Us.
Weirdly, they never seem to compare their new heroes to Lester Maddox, the racist creep who fought for his "right" to keep his chicken restaurant segregated, despite the fact that they usually sound exactly like Lester Maddox.
This has very little to do with any respect they might have for Rosa Parks, but rather their usual seething jealousy that right-wingers are generally not considered cool or admirable by anyone but themselves.
And who is the latest Right Wing Rosa? It is Shelley Luther, a salon owner from North Dallas, Texas who wants to keep her salon open even though it's entirely impossible to cut someone's hair from six feet away, even if one is a professional knife thrower (I used to know a guy — super nice, would not have let him cut my hair).
This week, police gave Luther a citation for keeping her salon (which is somehow called "À La Mode" and not "Shear Stupidity") open, and she is refusing to pay it, because perms are totally an essential service. For some reason, of all the businesses in the world, right-wingers have really latched on to hair salons as the main things that must open. At every one of these rallies there are multiple people just going around screaming about their roots as if there is not an entire aisle of hair dye at CVS. As if anyone gives a crap what anyone's hair looks like right now! If anything, this is a time to not bother at all with that shit, since we're all staying at home. Grab a scrunchie and call it a day!
But I digress.
On Saturday in Frisco, Texas, an Open Texas rally was held to support Luther, and this was of course breathlessly covered by our old friend Jim Hoft, The Stupidest Man On The Internet, over at Gateway Pundit, in not one, but two posts. The first was all about how, during a speech at the rally, Luther tore up the citation dramatically.
Gateway Pundit headline; Salon Owner Shelley Luther RIPS UP CITATION at Dallas Rally After She Breaks Quarantine and Opens her Business
Here is the video of her doing that, in front of a large crowd of idiots not wearing masks or social distancing very much.
Salon Owner Rips Cease And Desist Letter From Texas Gov. Abbott Ordering Her To Close www.youtube.com
After that, Hoft ran a post about how someone in that audience full of morons yelled "You're our Rosa Parks!" at Luther.
Gateway Pundit headline: "You're Our Rosa Parks!" Crowd Cheers Brave Dallas Salon Owner Shelley Luther Who Defied Tyrannical Govt. to Save Her Business and Feed Her Children!
And it's true! Someone did do that. Someone who is likely very confused about who Parks was or what she even did.
Apparently, whoever that was thought black people were required to sit in the back of the bus because the front of the bus could have killed them and everyone they came in contact with afterwards, and all of the racists were just super-worried about their safety.
Look, we'd all like to get out of our houses and get our hair done, or do literally anything that isn't baking sourdough bread and binge-watching ID channel programming. We'd like to get drunk in a way that is not a little sad. We'd all like to go back to living our lives and we're all scared. But we don't want to die and we don't want other people to die.
And the fact that right-wingers don't get that is the exact reason why they don't have their own Rosa Parks and never will.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse