Breaking: Republicans (Surprise Nation / Step On Own Dicks Again) In Obamacare Repeal Vote
Choose your own misadventure
House Republicans (stunned the nation / met already low expectations) this afternoon when they (passed / failed to pass / pulled from consideration) (Paul Ryan's / Donald Trump's) bill to repeal the Affordable Care Act. In (a shocking come-from-behind win / a humiliating defeat / yet another in a series of fuckups) for the Trump administration, the House (passed / fell short of passing / gave up for now on) the American Health Care Acton by (a vote of ___ for and ___ against / pussing out and pulling the bill AGAIN). All the House Democrats voted against the bill, so the loss of ___ Republican votes was (not enough / far more than enough / shut up, there was no vote!) to derail Trump's first major legislative initiative.
A (smiling / glowering) Donald Trump told reporters ("I knew we'd win, bigly" / "You people are enemies of the people and you sabotaged this" / "Why me, sweet Jesus? I thought I told you to give me what I want!") after members of the Freedom Caucus (held their noses and voted for / celebrated their defeat of / led to the delay of) the measure. A visibly (relieved / shaken / intoxicated) Paul Ryan (congratulated the president / distanced himself from the president / hid under his desk) in response to the (win / loss / decision to pull the bill), vowing the House's next priority would be to pass (deep tax cuts for the wealthy / deep tax cuts for the wealthy / deep tax cuts for the wealthy).
Following the (unanticipated victory / crushing defeat / wussy delaying tactic), President Trump took to Twitter to announce ("I am the greatest deal maker of all time, and everyone knew we'd win" / "Washington is full of traitors. It's time to drain the swamp." / "Fuck all of you, I'm going golfing, you fuckers!")
In other news, the New York Times has posted a surprising report on (more connections between the Trump campaign and Russia / Donald Trump's recent Twitter meltdown / the release of the pee hooker tape). White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer dismissed the report as ("Fake News" / "Fake News" / "Fake News").
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.