Back in the halcyon days of this country before NoBama ruined everything with his stolen Hertitage Foundation Healthcare plan and car czars, Conservatives across the land embraced something called the “Unitary Executive Theory” which in its essence declared the entire executive branch to be completely subservient to the desires of the President (in the biblical sense). This idea was especially useful in justifying our awesome escapades in reviving the kinkier aspects of the Spanish Inquisition on scary muslim people throughout the world, as a post-facto justification of “the President told me to do it so STFU” sufficed as a generally accepted legal theory.

Now it was all well and good for Cheney and company to laugh hysterically at quaint ideas like the "separation of powers" or "due process” when the government was doing objectively decent things like justifying rape threats during detainee interrogations. However, since 2009 the usurper in chief has been getting awful uppity in his interpretation of the constitution, and is starting to violate important stuff like the right to bear arms instead of worthless bullshit like whatever is left of the 4th or 8th Amendments. Luckily Breitbart’s own little genocidaire Ben Shapiro is ON THE CASE and has exposed the President’s power grab in a rambling polemic that is not at all embarrassing for Shapiro’s law school alma mater.

Hairless palms Ben might possibly be the lamest human being alive, but he’s hip to Obama’s subtle plan to completely ignore gun violence for five years and then dare to do something as dastardly as pursue a policy solution through the democratic process:

on Wednesday, President Obama took his gun control push a step further: He admitted that only the Constitution stands between him and full gun confiscation. Rejecting concerns that new background checks might be a prelude to gun seizures, Obama suggested that worries about gun seizures were empty, and were only designed to feed into “(F)ears about government. You hear some of these folks: 'I need a gun to protect myself from the government. We can't do background checks because the government's going to come take my guns away.' The government's us. These officials are elected by you. ... I am constrained as they are constrained by the system that our founders put in place."

This is deeply frightening language.

Yes indeed it is frightening that someone who was supposedly a child prodigy before going to our country’s best universities for his undergraduate and legal education can look at those sentences from the President and produce that interpretation. It’s even scarier to know for certain that the speaker is entirely sober and not under the influence of the demon weed or bathtub produced PCP.

Sadly Ben is just warming up:

The notion that government tyranny is impossible in an elective republic is insanity of the first order. Hitler was elected chancellor. Mussolini manipulated his way into power through constitutional means. Hamas was elected in the Gaza Strip. Mohammed Morsi and his thuggish Muslim Brotherhood were elected in Egypt. If rights are dependent on votes -- if we only have a right to bear arms because a majority of the population elects politicians who say we have a right to bear arms -- then we have no rights at all.

How dare critics of Breitbart’s compare that sterling organization's political or legal analysis with the syphilis induced ramblings of a paranoid ex-carnie. Shapiro is exercising No Labels-worthy levels of civility by waiting until the THIRD paragraph before slathering his readers with the soft warm embrace of Nazi analogies with a soupçon of 21st century Islamaphobia. Aspiring right wing bloggers should take notes on the former Virgin Ben's eloquent demonstration about the importance of writing a proper build-up BEFORE you exasperatingly ejaculate your "arguments" all over your gracious readers in a sticky mess of feel-good nonsense (and run out of the room without leaving cab fare).

Do you think that Shapiro’s strange tangential arguments were the result of his book-tour related exhaustion and that he just decided to re-write his article from the day earlier with different phrases from his wingnut bingo hopper? Well you must be some sort of terrible ignorant liberal bully because Ol’Ben does actually have some sort of point to make here. And in keeping with Shapiro’s adamant pro-life beliefs, he delivers this point despite the fact that it was only in its first trimester of development and was the product of an incestuous relationship between him and his spiritual granddads in the John Birch Society:

Government is not us. Government is a group of people elected by us, who then use their own judgment. If government were us, we would be a pure democracy. And even if we were a pure democracy, that would not give us the right to violate the rights of others. The logic Obama uses with regard to gun control is the root of fascism and oppression. Liberalism is reliant on the concept of rights that supersede popular whim. And the greatest right -- the right that protects all other rights, especially when popular whims turn against human liberties -- is the right to bear arms.

Yes proposed bans on high capacity magazines and background checks that the NRA endorsed in 1999 are just a goose-step away from yellow patches on Ted Nugent Fans and brown-shirted ATF agents forcing us to exchange our guns for Hello-kitty vibrators. Thank god we have not-at-all delusional manchild journalists like Ben Shapiro and his ideological allies in the lunatic caucus of Congress working hard to ensure that silly popular whims that 92% of us support never become law. What a glorious future we shall have thanks to our decision to keep subsidizing the fragile weapons industry and their partners in the child embalmers guild under the guise of protecting “rights."

Ben Shapiro might have started college at the age of 16, but it’s becoming obvious that he was probably only social promoted because he was eating too much paste during social studies.

[GOPUSA]