Brian Kemp Will Ride Those Typos All The Way To The Georgia Governor's Mansion

Cartoon villain Brian Kemp has a dream. A dream that one day all Georgians will be free of evil, government healthcare, free to die in the street from preventable diseases as Uncle Sam and White Jesus intended. And if the good people of Georgia will just elect him governor, then he'll make that dream a reality. But if they won't, he'll kick enough of them off the voter rolls that he wins anyway. It's good to be Secretary of State!

Last night in Atlanta, Kemp debated badass Democrat, civll rights lawyer, former minority leader of the Georgia House, and all-around mensch Stacey Abrams. Kemp is determined to "protect the integrity of our elections and ensure that only legal citizens cast a ballot," and if he has to disenfranchise a hundred thousand minority voters along the way, so much the better. If 70 percent of the 53,000 voter registrations purged under Georgia's "exact match" law happen to be minorities, Kemp knows it's because Democrats "did not adequately train canvassers to ensure legible, complete forms." And if, as CNN reports, Gwinnett County rejects "15% of absentee ballots submitted by Asian Americans, 11.4% of those submitted by African Americans and only 4% of those submitted by whites," then Brian Kemp knows who to blame, and it is ... Barack Obama!

That train is never late!

Yesterday Rolling Stone produced audio of Kemp worrying to a crowd of donors gathered at the Blind Pig Parlour Bar (shhh, quit laughing you snobs!) about Abrams's prodigious GOTV efforts and the worrisome trend of Democrats actually exercising their franchise.

Not long after Kemp began his remarks, the candidate expressed worry about early voting and "the literally tens of millions of dollars that they [the Abrams camp] are putting behind the get-out-the-vote effort to their base."
Kemp then asserted that much of that Abrams effort is focused on absentee ballot requests. "They have just an unprecedented number of that," he said, "which is something that continues to concern us, especially if everybody uses and exercises their right to vote — which they absolutely can — and mail those ballots in, we gotta have heavy turnout to offset that."

Luckily he's got an inside guy to make sure that ballot problem doesn't get out of hand! Also, too, the real vote suppresser is Stacy Abrams sending mean mailers to GOP ladies telling them not to vote for their Republican daddy.

Urging attendees to reach out to people to help him gain support, Kemp said, "If they email back and say, 'I'm a conservative, Republican female, and I've gotten 15 mailers talking about how bad Brian Kemp is,' that's somebody we need to talk to. [Be]cause they are doing that for a reason. They are doing that to suppress your vote."

And if you're not convinced by that unimpeachable logic, would you accept a 26-year-old video of Abrams burning Georgia's Confederate flag as a college student? No? How about a bullshit allegation that Abrams is relying on ILLEGAL VOTERS to put her over the finish line because one time she said at a rally,

But the thing of it is, the blue wave is African-American. It's white, it's Latino, it's Asian-Pacific Islander. It is disabled. It is differently-abled. It is LGBTQ. It is law enforcement. It is veterans. It is made up of those who've been told that they are not worthy of being here. It is comprised of those who are documented and undocumented.

Undocumented! She said undocumented! Lock her up!

Look, the important thing is that Brian Kemp will protect your sacred Medicaid from radical Stacey Abrams's wild-eyed socialistic proposal to accept federal funding to expand it to cover more people. And if Georgians want to vote, they shouldn't have strange names, or allow some faceless bureaucrat to make typos when transcribing their addresses. And most important of all, even if this race should come down to a recount, Brian Kemp will be right there counting the votes and making sure no illegal ballots are cast. He promised last night that he'll never recuse himself, and if he has to fight it to the end to declare himself the winner, then that's just what he'll do.

Georgia governor debate: Stacey Abrams vs. Brian Kemp - Full


[Rolling Stone / CNN / WABE / AJC]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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