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If you are a longtime fan of Wonkette or if you like to hate-watch "Fox & Friends," you know that Brian Kilmeade is the stupidest human organism on that show out of a whole trio of stupids. We used to call him "the rapey one," because he looks like the kind of guy around whom you might want to cover your drink, but then we found out during all those Fox News sexual harassment lawsuits that ACTUALLY Steve Doocy is the gross pervy one on that particular couch, so we stopped calling Kilmeade "the rapey one" quite so much.

But dumb? ¡Dios mío!

Kilmeade had thoughts on last night's Democratic debate, where three candidates spoke Spanish, and whether people whose first language is Spanish like being spoken to in the language they understand best, or if they just fucking hate that and wish everybody else in the world who speaks Spanish would just shut up forever so they don't have to talk to anybody ever again.


KILMEADE: You saw the segue to Spanish by three candidates, is that effective in the Spanish community as you know it?

Kilmeade was talking to Marco Rubio, who is a Cuban Spanish, and who answered him in Spanish, because Marco Rubio did not have the self-respect to pull off his mic and leave.

In response to Rubio's Spanish, Kilmeade had another question:

KILMEADE: AM I WATCHING UNIVISION?

Yes, Brian, a man spoke Spanish, therefore you are most likely either being discriminated against for being a white man calling Comcast, or you are watching Univision. In fact, you are watching a telenovela. It is a very scary telenovela and it is about a shark who lives in a house and performs acts of romance on all the women, en Español! Why a shark? Because our FAVORITE thing Brian Kilmeade ever said, and we will never stop reminding people, is the time he asked why sharks insist on living in the ocean. Can they not just go somewhere else and stop bothering the native habitat of surfer dudes? Why are sharks like that all the time? UGH FUCK SHARKS.

But it's not just sharks that confuse poor Brian Kilmeade, and "Do Spanish people like people to speak Spanish with them" is not his first run-in with being racially and culturally dumber than even your average dumb racist white idiot. We will never forget the time the "Fox & Friends" were making peach cobbler with Fox personality Harris Faulkner, a black lady, and Kilmeade just casually and out of nowhere asked her if she served Kool-Aid at every meal. HA HA HA, no, seriously, he was just asking. Because isn't that what black people do?

Why do people get Alzheimer's, Brian Kilmeade?

We are -- we keep marrying other species and other ethnics and other [...] See, the problem is the Swedes have pure genes. Because they marry other Swedes [...] Finns marry other Finns, so they have a pure society.

Fastest way to get Alzheimer's is to marry another SPECIES.

Never change, Brian Kilmeade. Ever. Because we are pretty sure it is in your Fox News contract to be this stupid, and if you start being smart, you will lose your job. WOMP WOMP, or however they say "womp womp" in Spanish.

[h/t Talking Points Memo]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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