Bristol Palin Is Not Amused By You, Internet
GET IT? THERE IS A BABY BUMP ON THE STICK FIGURE. (Original comic, without baby bump, from XKCD, as if anybody on the planet didn't know that.)
Bristol Palin has once again found time in her busy schedule, somewhere between her Stitch 'n' Bitch sessions with the Virgin Mary about how totally weird Immaculate Conception feels and personally leading the U.S. effort to defeat ISIS in Syria, to light up a Capri, fire up the old laptop, and comment on the affairs of the day. And what are those affairs? Well, would you believe all the liberals have been sharing this terrible video from Funny Or Die that's making all the wingnuts upset, about how Planned Parenthood is great, and abortion is hilarious, and also Planned Parenthood is an awesome healthcare provider for millions of ladies AND gentlemen? How DARE they, when Planned Parenthood clearly exists only to harvest baby parts like farmed catfish, so that collectors can buy them and take them to "Antiques Roadshow," and everybody can OOH and AHH about how 'spensive they are?
“Funny or Die” has such an unfortunate name, because I didn’t laugh once at their recent video.
Well shit. Back to the drawing board.
Over the last several weeks, we’ve found out that Planned Parenthood – our country’s largest abortion provider – doesn’t just murder hundreds of thousands of unborn babies every year.
They don’t just lobby for no abortion restrictions and try to defend partial-birth abortion.
Sometimes risking the health of the mother, they also change how they do abortions so they can harvest the organs and tissue of butchered babies. Why? So they can sell them.
Anyway, Bristol, no, that is not what "we've found out," that is what stupid people believe because they're unable to do basic Googling for themselves, but let's not get in the weeds about "facts," not when you've so graciously written more blog post for us to read:
Making fun of people who are speaking out for unborn babies, against murdering them and selling their parts is so lame.
Also lame is when you make fun of Bristol Palin for being Our Lady Of The Perpetual Look Who's Preggers Again, while she simultaneously rakes in hundreds of thousands of ameros for teaching kids how not to fuck good. She does not like it when people do that at all, but yet she won't do anything proactive to change that situation, like stop getting knocked up out of wedlock, or stop taking all the cash for promoting abstinence, or stop writing on her blog.
Imagine if this video was made making fun of abolitionists who wanted to end slavery or civil rights activists working to end segregation.
Yeah, because those are the same. But we'd hazard a guess that if the internet had been around during those Olden Timey Days, wingnuts like Bristol would be posting those videos on her Facebook wall, right between her mama's recipe for moose chowder and her latest ultrasound, the one where if you look closely, you can see the widdle Crown Of Thorns on the widdle baby's head.
The fact of the matter is that Funny or Die has made a clear choice: they support death. They support tearing apart babies’ arms and legs and selling them for a price. “It’s a matter of line items” they say.
Yep, that's what it is, Bristol. In the United States today, our greatest argument is between the one half of the country what loves babies, and the other half who think it's real funny to rip babies' arms and legs off. What's sad is that "pro-life" dumbfucks actually believe that's what this country is like.
All right, Bristol, wrap this shit up before Gabriel blows on his horn to announce your next pregnancy:
Funny or Die has not only chosen to support the death of innocent, they have chosen to mock it.
They should rename themselves a more accurate title: “We Think It’s Funny Babies Die.”
Wocka wocka wocka, we see what you did there, Bristol Palin! Better stop splitting your own sides with these zingers, or you're going to accidentally induce premature labor, and we think we can all agree we want little Zipper Christ Palin-Meyer (?) to have time to gestate fully before being thrust into this cruel world.
[Bristol Palin: Life. Family. Alaska., because that's what her blog is called, for real]
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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