Bristol Palin Must Apologize For Mass Shootings

Bristol Palin, five months pregnant, and destroying America

Unhyphenated fuckhole Gov. Bobby Jindal ranted on his blog Tuesday about who is really at fault for America's epidemic of mass shootings. We were so inspired by his profile in courage and leadership that we decided to consider whom else we might blame among the makers of dirty smut TV, single mothers, and absent fathers who contribute to the "cultural rot" of America. And, wouldn't you know it, after careful study of Jindal's checklist, we realized America's favorite born-again-and-again-and-again virgin Bristol Palin clearly, indisputably, undeniably bears some responsibility. Let us yell at her, for doing this to America.

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According to Jindal, guns have nothing to do with mass shootings. Instead, he writes, "These shootings are a symptom of deep and serious cultural decay in our society." And what does he mean by "cultural decay"?

We glorify sick and senseless acts of violence in virtually every element of our pop culture, and we have been doing that for at least a generation.

Remember the infamous Palin Family Drunk Brawl of a year ago, when a barefoot and boozed up Bristol wearing "beer and makeup" on her face violently tussled with some foul-mouthed party crasher -- without even chipping her perfect manicure! -- and while she and Mama sort of admitted it was not the family's proudest moment, Mama also Facebooked a picture of her violent thug of a daughter pew-pew-pewing her gun, and Mama saying how proud she is of her "straight-shooter" spawn.

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Is that the kind of glorified sick and senseless act of violence Jindal thinks is ruining our culture and causing all these shootings? Sure seems like it.

And what about the garbage Hollywood crams down our throats, eh? As Jindal notes:

We celebrate and document every kind of deviant behavior and we give out awards to producers who can push the envelope as far as possible. Rape, torture, murder, mass murder, all are cinematic achievements.

Bristol has never filmed herself doing rape and torture, that we are aware of, but remember how she deviantly tarted herself up in her "underwear" to do "scandalous" ass-shaking on "Dancing With The Stars"? Is that the kind of deviant behavior contributing to the "cultural rot" of which Jindal speaks? Is this not a prime example of the ways "we flaunt [sic] the laws of God and common decency and we promote it all and we flood our young people with it"?

Perhaps Jindal would consider Bristol Palin's career in reality TV somehow acceptable, but certainly he could not defend Bristol's repeated refusal to follow God's law that first comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage. Getting herself knocked up in high school, and then swearing to never do that again until there's a ring on it, and then shacking up in sin with some guy, and then getting knocked up out of wedlock again -- and all of this in public, on social media, where our young people are flooded with it. How can you possibly argue that Bristol's lack of decency and "flaunting" of the laws of God are not a direct contribution to the 294 mass shootings we've had in America this year alone?

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As if that weren’t enough, as Jindal explains, single mother Bristol Palin may be raising her very own mass murderer:

And who is it that generally commits these evil acts of mass murder that are becoming routine? It’s almost always young men who have either no father figure in their lives, or a broken relationship with their father. Is this just a coincidence? Of course not.

We don't know how involved Bristol's first baby daddy, Levi "Fuckin' Redneck" Johnston, is with their son. Last we'd heard, he'd filed a custody suit, but who knows if a judge will let Levi anywhere near their son, on account of how he's busy knockin' up other ladies and making MILF porn. Hardly what one would consider a positive father figure, at least if one were named Bobby Jindal.

And now that Bristol's brewing up another fatherless bun in her oven, god forbid it is also a son who will grow up to be a young man with no father figure, not to mention, being Palins, unfettered access to a whole lot of guns.

It's like Jindal says: "We fill our culture with garbage, and we reap the result." Bristol has certainly contributed her share and then some to our garbage culture, and by Jindal’s reasoning, Bristol's fatherless children, little Tripp and little Mudflaps or whatever the hell she names the next one, could grow up to gun down a bunch of people. Just as Jindal demanded that the Oregon shooter’s father apologize to all of America right now for his shameful failure as a parent, it seems only right that we demand Bristol Palin do the same.

"Case closed."

[Image via Bristol's "blog"]


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