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Miss Smarty Pants Also Too


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So remember, like, five whole minutes ago when we chit-chatted about Jerry Falwell's dis-gusting jizz spawn, Junior, calling for guns guns GUNS for everyone, so they can shoot up any Muslimy Muslims who happen to be Musliming in his neighborhood? And those of us who are not xenophobic psychopath morons tsk-tsked and said, "That sounds wrong." Because telling his students at Liberty University that "if more good people had concealed-carry permits, then we could end those Muslims before they walked in and killed them" is wrong.

But there's one li'l lady out there who thinks that plan sounds so freakin' full of WINNING!

However! Bristol Palin -- who is pro-guns, pro-life, and procreating accidentally all the time, to the great disappointment of her family -- isn't a complete monster. Even she detects one minor flaw in this otherwise brilliant way to address mass shootings:

Granted, he should have said this preparation would defend against “terrorists,” not “Muslims.” We know not all Muslims are terrorists, even though the fact is also undeniable that most terrorists are Muslim. But that’s the only word I’d change in what he said.

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Sure, granted that part, of course. A poor choice of words to say "Muslims" when what you really mean is "Terrorists who are mostly Muslims." But the "fact" (gosh, she's so adorable, isn't she?) of "most" terrorists being Muslims still stands. It's like how not all ignorant sluts are Bristol Palin, but most Bristol Palins are ignorant sluts. Logic, bitches.

Besides, typical stupid lamestream media has to start nitpicking Falwell's otherwise fool-proof plan to reduce mass shootings by focusing on his words, instead of how gosh darned effective his GUNS FOR EVERYONE plan would be at ending mass shootings.

Fallwell [sic -- nice job, Bristol's ghostblogger] is absolutely right — only having armed citizens already in a targeted location will stop someone who’s determined to kill a lot of people.

We haven't actually seen any evidence of that. We do remember watching A THOUSAND hours of news last Wednesday, including one charming segment on Fox that we didn't even bother reporting to you because we ran out of internet column inches and barf bags. But one "witness" in the area of the shootings told Fox that when he heard the sound of shots fired, why, he reached right for his own gun that he carries at all times, so he can be a Real Hero in exactly such circumstances. Not that he did anything other than stay put, in the safety of his office, instead of running toward the BANG! BANG! sounds, Second Amendment a-blazing, because come on, what is he, crazy?

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We always appreciate Bristol Palin's fresh take on, like, stuff and things. And now we understand just how opposed she is to terrorism, and how everyone should be armed just in case, we look forward to her demand that all Planned Parenthood employees be granted concealed carry permits to defend themselves from any of the terrorists (even if they're not Muslims!) who regularly stop by.

[Bristol's "blog"]

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