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Holy mother of god


[contextly_sidebar id="gCUBL9cYbKLonpt3hUc8s6WGGTeIYpEH"]We are shocked -- shocked! -- to learn that Bristol Palin's second immaculate inseminator was not God after all. Alas, it was just that dude Dakota Meyer she was abstinently shacking up in sin with, but was totally going to marry, until that did not happen for reasons. Secret Palin reasons that are none of your business, you nosy lamestream media, shut up and stop invading their privacy with your cameras and your reality teevee shows and your magazine covers and your book tours also too.

Despite Bristol's ghostblogger insisting throughout the pregnancy that Bristol was going it alone, and the unnamed father was in no way involved with creating a proper opposite-sex-but-not-until-marriage two-parent family for little Sailor Grace Eggnogg Palin, it seems Meyer has at last realized the beauty of parenthood, or at least the beauty of trying to drill, baby, drill his way into the Palin family's well-oiled grifting operation:

Meyer filed legal documents alleging that he's Sailor Grace's father, and is seeking joint custody of the newborn girl, as well as child support, TMZ reports.

As you'd expect, the Palin family is none too pleased that after all these long months of not giving a cold Alaskan fuck about Bristol or his illegitimate offspring, Meyer has suddenly woke up and smelled the financial potential. Sayeth Gramma Grizzly:

"For many months we have been trying to reach out to Dakota Myers [sic] and he has wanted nothing to do with either Bristol's pregnancy or the baby," Palin told ET.

[contextly_sidebar id="boCf2vauLzdxjCfA37Bto0VZlnBu2ktN"]Bristol's rep -- of course she has a rep; what average American hard-working born-again virgin single mom who has "a 100 + mile commute everyday," plus also lives "under the microscope of every liberal asshole you can think of," who selflessly endures "another 'less than ideal' pregnancy" instead of MURDERING HER BABY (or, you know, using birth control in the first place), doesn't have her own rep? -- says that deadbeat Dakota Meyer boy is a real som'bitch:

Bristol's rep, David Martin, also addressed Meyer's legal filing, telling ET, "My values are such that a real American hero doesn't ask for child support."

Oh ZING! Dakota Meyer might technically be a Real American Hero, because of how he was awarded a Medal of Honor for Marine Corpsing good that one time, but boy, what kind of a L-O-S-E-R piece of moose turd would seek financial assistance to help raise a little bundled tundra tot of joy?

FYI, in 2010 — the year after Bristol made $260,000-plus to promote not-fucking — she sued No. One babydaddy Levi Johnston for $1750 per month in child support, and then seven months later got engaged to him for a second time, and then broke up with him again three weeks later, just as she was set to earn up to $350,000 for Dancing With The Stars. And then last year she sued him for child support again, claiming a zero income for 2013 and 2014, even though in June 2013 she told ABC she worked at a dermatologist’s office, look, she said it RIGHT HERE.

[contextly_sidebar id="lvIGWdssL4fMtQJSEGQA4Xj6lsD3OwAl"]Oh right. That kind. Derpsy daisy! On the one hand, we do think it's real nice and family values of Dakota Meyer to stop denying that he fucked Bristol in her virgin hole and put a baby inside of her, and maybe those two kids should try to work something out for the good of the child. Especially since it wasn't that long ago Bristol thought he made a real swell stepdad for her first bastard baby.

On the other hand, he seems like kind of a dick? On the other other hand, Bristol is definitely kind of a dick, so she deserves to be dicked on, we think?

In conclusion, fuck all these all dumb trashy terrible people, except for the endless stream of Bristol babies who remain innocent babies who deserve better, may they turn out to be child prodigies who do good in school and scholarship theirselves away from their clan as soon as possible, the end.

[ET / Bristol's "blog"]

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