Bristol's TeeVee Outfit Revealed! (SPOILER: It Is Awful)

 
 Like most Americans, you have been on tenterhooks since hearing that Bristol would be Dancing Modestly With The Stars, wondering what exactly her stars-dancing-with outfit would look like. Would she be sporting a comfortable and fashionable prairie dress, inspired by fashion icon Chloe Sevigny's Big Love role? Would she adopt the styles of Orthodox Jewish women, in accordance with her recently discovered matrilineal Jewish heritage? Or maybe she'll wear something that actually shows off a lot of her flesh, illustrating that there are many different ways for a garment to be "modest," and that if you are modest in your heart no one can speak ill of you? What do you think the answer is? It will be easier for you to answer if you can recognize Bristol's foot and/or elbow! After the jump, you will come face-to-face with Bristol's innovative modesty scheme.

Behold, your Bristol Palin!

This get-up is actually a very savvy move on her part, in order to protect her good name. Presumably the Dancing With The Stars producers wrote "secret clauses" into Bristol's contract, forcing her to keep her thighs and elbows visible. So she craftily designed a dress so spectacularly unattractive that not even the most determined pervert could find her arousing in it. Since Wonkette readers are among the most determined perverts in America, this picture will serve as a test of sorts. But we feel certain that those of you planning to post rude things about the thickness of the young lady's thighs after masturbating to them will instead find your erection fading in mid-wank as you cannot help but contemplate that hideous, hideous fringe. Seriously, the fringe. Just cold draped all over everything. Just try spanking it to this photo, we guarantee you'll never be aroused again. [ Gawker ]