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Fucking fiddlesticks, can California's 22nd please please PLEASE vote this dumb traitor dickwad out in November? Because here is what Devin Nunes is doing for his constituents these days.

Earlier this month, Natasha Bertrand reports at The Atlantic, Devin Nunes left America on a jet plane to go to England on an investigative mission. (No, we do not know if he brought a cow with him, and if so, if she got to sit in first class or if she had to ride underneath the plane, STOP ASKING US IF DEVIN NUNES FUCKS COWS, WE DON'T KNOW.)


Here is the basic graf you need to know about:

According to two people familiar with his trip across the pond who requested anonymity to discuss the chairman's travels, Devin Nunes, a California Republican, was investigating, among other things, Steele's own service record and whether British authorities had known about his repeated contact with a U.S. Justice Department official named Bruce Ohr. To that end, Nunes requested meetings with the heads of three different British agencies—MI5, MI6, and the Government Communications Headquarters, or GCHQ. (Steele was an MI6 agent until a decade ago, and GCHQ, the United Kingdom's equivalent of the National Security Agency, was the first foreign-intelligence agency to pick up contacts between Trump associates and Russian agents in 2015, according to The Guardian.)

Oh how exciting! MENSA Devin thinks he's a secret agent man now! Did he think maybe he'd get to meet the real James Bond and together they would buy matching outfits and embark on a top secret mission to prove that the Dodgy Dossier is fake news from Russia?

If so, it didn't go that way:

But those meetings did not pan out—Nunes came away meeting only with the U.K.'s deputy national-security adviser, Madeleine Alessandri.

WOMP WOMP, nobody wants to talk to Fucking Devin, because they know how he is. How hilarious would it have been to work in British intelligence that day, just a buncha spies LOLing with each other about how Fucking Devin the Stupid Fake Farmer from America is knocking on the door, but seriously, you guys, nobody let him in, OK?

This is what happens when you're as stupid as you are ambitious. Remember that amazing profile of how long Devin Nunes has been an extraordinarily stupid man who ends up believing the conspiracy theories he invents with his brain? You should go back and read it, if not, because it also talks about the first cow Devin Nunes ever loved, whose name was Gem.

Astute readers of the Wonkettes will remember that Devin Nunes was involved in a similar British vacation about this time last year, except that time he didn't go personally, but rather sent two House Intel Committee staffers to England to show up at Christopher Steele's lawyer's office and ... uh, we don't know, they didn't plan that part, and they got told to fuck off that time too.

Nunes and the rest of the GOP have latched onto this weird theory (that they made up) that because Fusion GPS, the American intel firm that contracted Christopher Steele, also had a Russian client at the time, on a completely separate matter, that naturally it follows that CHRISTOPHER STEELE IS THE REAL COLLUSION. Devin Nunes and his friends are fucking stupid, did we mention that yet?

And as a result, Nunes is wasting his constituents' time in England. (And either just before or after that, he went to Azerbaijan to meet with that nation's president, who is also the father-in-law of Emin Agalarov, the mediocre Russian/Azerbaijani pop star who approached Donald Trump Jr. for that little Trump Tower treason meeting. No shit.)

Of course, Devin Nunes had questions in England that went unanswered. Thank the heavenly father Wonkette is here to help!

Tell us about Christopher Steele's service record, Wonkette!

It is fucking impeccable. Steele is one of the foremost Russia experts in the whole entire world, and one of the most respected spies too. He was the head Russianist for MI6! He helped America solve the FIFA scandal! He investigated the polonium murder of Alexander Litvinenko! As Jane Mayer explained in her excellent profile of Steele:

The British Secret Intelligence Service is highly regarded by the United States, particularly for its ability to harvest information from face-to-face sources, rather than from signals intelligence, such as electronic surveillance, as the U.S. often does. British and American intelligence services work closely together, and, while Steele was at M.I.6, British intelligence was often included in the U.S. President's daily-briefing reports. In 2008, Michael Hayden, the C.I.A. director, visited the U.K., and Steele briefed him on Russian developments. The following year, President Obama visited the U.K., and was briefed on a report that Steele had written about Russia. Steve Hall, a former chief of the C.I.A.'s Central Eurasia Division, which includes Russia, the former Soviet states, and the Balkans, told me, "M.I.6 is second only perhaps to the U.S. in its ability to collect intelligence from Russia." He added, "We've always coördinated closely with them because they did such a great job. We're playing in the Yankee Stadium of espionage here. This isn't Guatemala."

Literally anybody who's worked at the FBI or CIA for a long time could answer this question for Devin Nunes, if he was smart enough to ask.

As for Devin Nunes's second question, about whether the British spies knew about Christopher Steele's contacts with Bruce Ohr, well, that's just a really fucking stupid question. But it leads us to a non-stupid question, which is WHO THE FUCK IS BRUCE OHR?

We will examine that one in our next post, because you need to know!

SPOILER: He's pretty badass.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

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[The Atlantic]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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OOH BOY HOWDY, The Federalist is on fire this week! Just this morning we told you about the hilarious Federalist column where one neo-Nazi's mom and dad are Democrats, ipso facto QED NEO-NAZIS ARE THE REAL LIBERALS, FUCKERS! Is America's dumbest woman whose name doesn't rhyme with Cara Snailin' over there being a total fuckin' Mollie Hemingway right now? Sadly, she blocked us on Twitter, so how could we possibly know? The answer is WE DON'T CARE.

But now we have a gem of the Federalist genre, an article written by a whiny-ass gay quisling conservative, who would like to chew on his blankie and whine about how much harder it is out there for a conservative than it is for a gay person. This is a subject we happen to have some knowledge about, because we are super gay! And we know a lot about conservatives, both firsthand -- being subjected to them every single one of our almost four decades of life -- and also from covering extremist right-wing Christians for a very long time. Particularly the kind that tell young, impressionable, vulnerable gay kids that they need to pray away the gay if they want Jesus to exercise some self control and refrain from sending them to a fiery hell for all eternity.

We clicked on the article with high hopes. See if you can spot why:

Keep reading... Show less
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pic via Glamour Shots, we mean this dude's old website

The House Education and Workforce Committee was all set to have a hearing today all about the horrors that a higher minimum wage would wreak on the economy. Horrors like rich people being slightly less rich. Horrors like business owners claiming they will have to fire people and charge $15 for a McChicken if forced to pay workers a living wage, which they won't actually do because no one will buy a $15 McChicken and they would go out of business if they tried that, and they already don't hire more people than the bare minimum they can get away with. Horrors like poor people not being "motivated" to work harder and get better jobs that do not pay them an amount no human being could possibly live on.

Alas, as Politico reports, it was not to be, as committee members discovered their big witness for the hearing, San Diego State University economist Joseph Sabia (pictured above in a Glamour Shot from his archived website), was kind of a wacko.

Sabia, as it turns out, once had a blog called "No Shades Of Gray," in which he wrote many columns of an extremely homophobic and sexist persuasion. In one of these columns, in 2002, Sabia was very mad about one man's lawsuit against several fast food giants for contributing to his health and obesity problems by failing to disclose the nutritional information of the food they sold. In retrospect, I think most people are now on board with these chains being required to post calorie counts and other nutritional information, but in 2002, Sabia was convinced that requiring them to do this would be an assault on freedom for all Americans everywhere. His response to this was to try and attempt a Jonathan Swift posture and suggest taxing gay sex, which he claimed leads to "disastrous health consequences."

Because sure, that's the same thing, basically.


In gay sex, we have an activity that is clearly leading to disastrous health consequences. What rational person would engage in this sort of activity? There is only one solution - let's tax it.

"Come on, Sabia," you say, "how are you going to enforce these taxes? Are you going to send government officials to peep into everyone's bedroom?"

Eventually. But first we have to mount the assault on Big Gay (no, I am not talking about Rosie O'Donnell). We can tax gay nightclubs, websites, personal ads, sexual paraphernalia, and so forth. Talk about a sin tax!!! We can cripple gay-related industries and get them right where we want them. All gay clubs will have to feature huge, flashing warning signs like "CAUTION: Entering this nightclub may increase your chance of contracting STDs and dying."

Big Gay clearly lures people into trying their "product" without discussing the risks to mind, body, and soul. The average Joe on the street does not understand all of the possible bad outcomes. I can almost hear him now:

"They said '100 percent hotties.' I thought that meant it was fun. I thought gay sex was OK…Now I have all these diseases. Big Gay has wrecked my life."

In the immoral words of Warren G, "Regulators!! Mount up!"

EXTREME SHUDDER.

In another 2002 article, classily titled "College Girls: Unpaid Whores," Sabia laments that feminists have led college girls to stop trying to be like the Holy Virgin Mary and instead to aspire to be more like that hussy Ally McBeal.

No, really.

As women have strayed from the church, they have replaced what is holy with what is temporally pleasing. For Catholics, the model woman is Mary, the virgin Mother of God. She is beloved by the faithful for her unflappable devotion to and trust in God, her nurturing of the Son of Man, and her deep love for all humanity.

Today's college girl looks to Ally McBeal, the trollops of Sex in the City, and the floozies on Friends to set their moral compasses.

The sad truth is that college girls are so desperate to find love that they are willing to degrade themselves to get it. But true love can only be understood in the context of the Word of God. Any other notion of "love" is secular and, by definition, limited and finite.

Not only that, but instead of going to college to find a husband, they have boyfriends. Boyfriends they have S-E-X with. And sometimes, not even that. Sometimes they have sex with people just because they want to have sex with people, and not even in exchange for Valentine's Day cards or money!


Additionally, other sex-based relationships have become commonplace. In recent years, a new and disturbing arrangement known as "friends with benefits" has emerged. In this arrangement, men are not even forced to perform the normal duties of boyfriends, i.e. flowers, Valentine's Day cards, rides to the abortion clinic, etc. Instead, girls consider these guys "just friends" whom they happen to screw every now and again. No strings, no attachments, no dinners. Just sex when they feel like it.

This type of arrangement is the next logical step in the direction that young women have drifted in the last few decades. These women have become unpaid whores. At least prostitutes made a buck off of their trade. These women just give it away.

How cute! He was like the ur-incel, basically.

Anyway, following the discovery of the posts, the House Education and Workforce Committee's GOP communications director Kelley McNabb told Politico that "members were uncomfortable moving forward on the hearing." A more optimistic person might think this was a step forward, that maybe those committee members actually thought it was bad to suggest that being gay means being a disease-ridden monster or that college girls are whores, but it's probably more to avoid embarrassment than anything else. Guess they'll have to start from scratch and find a crappy economist who will tell them what they want to hear about the minimum wage but who doesn't have an embarrassing Geocities blog in their past. Good luck with that!

[Politico]

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