Broke-Ass Duggars Forsaken By Their Lord, Please Send Money

If you're driving through northwest Arkansas and see some sort of fundamentalist Christian lemonade and prostitution stand on the side of the road advertising two side-hugs for $5, that's probably the Duggars. They have fallen on hard times, due to how TLC's advertisers finally decided their already toxic family was toxic in a sexual molestation kind of way. Are they actually poor? We don't know, it really depends on whether they've used the Lord's reality television income responsibly. They're panhandling for cash, though, but do NOT give it to them. They'll only fritter it away on Bibles and hush money, ALLEGEDLY.

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Consider the evidence:

  • The Daily Beast reports that Jill Duggar Dillard and her husband Derick started pimping donations on their blog right after the cancellation of "Cannonball Vagina Jesus Hour," but don't worry, that money is for their "ministry" in Central America, though if they just wanted to get the fuck out of the U.S. for a while and decided Central America sounded nice in the summer, we wouldn't blame them that much.
  • The Daily Beast also reports that "Duggar niece" Amy (you know it's not one of the proper Duggar children because "Amy" doesn't start with a "J") asked people on Instagram for "cards and etc" to celebrate her engagement, but maybe "and etc" doesn't mean cash at all, maybe it's a cry for help and she wants drugs, so many drugs, for having to be a member of that family.
  • The Duggars have a "movie studio" on YouTube and they need you to help fund their "productions," which are "good." Like, look at this moviefilm here called "Duggar Pillow Patrol." No, it's not a documentary about Josh Duggar visiting his sisters' room as a teen, it's something else:
    The point of alerting Wonkers to the existence of Duggar Studios is not to make you start drinking early, but to report that, until recently, there was a donate page, where you could give them all your money, so they could keep "making movies":But now that page is gone. :(
  • Don't worry, you can still buy T-shirts, don't you want a T-shirt that says Duggar Studios, so people will see that you walk strong in the Lord and will want to sex you in your downstairs hole, in the confines of a Christian marriage? No, people won't think it's some kind of perverted joke about a movie studio that does illegal stuff to kids, the Duggars are saved by the Blood of the Lamb and Jesus has forgotten all about that. Here, have a T-shirt:


So, is this evidence good enough to prove that the Duggars are poor and might have to go get real educations and jobs and like, such as? No, says IBTimes, they are not poor at all, they still go on airplanes and get paid money to speak, they go to amusement parks, and oh, here is a video of Jim Bob Duggar giving Michelle a "special gift" for their anniversary. (No, it is not his penis.) It's a HUGE ROCK of a ring, with the birthstones of every single Duggar spawn, and it was probably expensive:

We think this serves as proof that you don't need to give them money. Unless Jim Bob had to work the gloryhole at the Flying J for a whole month to pay for it, but even then, that just shows these people know how to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, so fuck them.

[The Daily Beast / Uproxx / IBTimes]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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