Bundy Militia Dipwads Found 'Not' Guilty, Again, Due To Pre-Existing Whiteness
But please, tell us again how you're Rosa goddamned Parks
The federal jury in the retrial of four accused "gunmen" who participated in the Great Bundy Ranch Freedompalooza and Armed Standoff didn't deliver a single guilty verdict yesterday, which apparently means it's OK to point a gun from a highway overpass at federal officers if you really, really want to. We still wouldn't recommend it, though.
Two of the men, Ricky Lovelien from Montana and Steven Stewart from Idaho, were acquitted on all ten charges against them; two others, Scott Drexler and Eric Parker, both from Idaho, were acquitted on most of the charges, but the jury deadlocked on some of the others. Parker is the gent who became famous for the photo of him aiming through highway barricades at Bureau of Land Management and other federal law enforcement officers. Lovelien and Stewart were released Tuesday; Parker and Drexler were ordered to a halfway house pending a detention hearing set for Wednesday. Federal prosecutors have not decided whether to seek a retrial on the undecided charges against Parker and Drexler; they may be released temporarily until that decision is made.
Expect video to be released soon of the men's joyous reunions with their precious, precious guns.
If re-retried, Parker could still face significant prison time on the remaining charges of assault and threatening a federal officer along with related charges for weapons; the jury was also hung on assault and weapons charges against Drexler.
In the earlier trial, two other Bunditarians were found guilty on charges of obstruction of justice and interstate travel to aid extortion.
The four men whose trial ended Tuesday had been accused of coordinating an attack on federal officers at the behest of welfare rancher Cliven Bundy after Bundy and his loony militia followers decided in 2014 the federal government has no right to charge grazing fees for old fat ranchers who hate the government but love whatever weirdass things they believe are in the Constitution. The Bundys were charged in Nevada after federal agents ended the 2016 Bundy-led takeover of an Oregon wildlife refuge; a federal jury in Oregon acquitted Bundy sons Ammon and Ryan, as well as other members of their dildo militia, of all charges in that takeover.
Cliven, Ryan and Ammon will be the next to face trial over the 2014 standoff. They face charges related to organizing the standoff, including
conspiracy to commit an offense against the United States, conspiracy to impede or injure a federal officer, weapon use and possession, assault on a federal officer, threatening a federal law enforcement officer, obstruction, [and] extortion to interfere with commerce[.]
Two other Bundy spawn, Mel and Dave, will be tried separately on related but lesser charges.
At the rate the trials have been going, we expect to report some time in November that the Bundy family has not only been acquitted but also appointed by Donald Trump to top positions in the Department of the Interior.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.