But How Will Trump Ever Get A Fair Trial From All These Black People On Mueller's Grand Jury?

This is not Robert Mueller's DC grand jury. OR IS IT?

Were you wondering what kinds of new and different ways Trump-loving idiots and witnesses in the Trump-Russia affair might come up with to try to undermine Robert Mueller's investigation? Well here's one! Seems an anonymous witness in the probe walked into Mueller's grand jury room and all of a sudden started looking around all nervous like because there were lots of black people in there. "Witness" told this to the Rupert Murdoch-owned New York Post:

“The grand jury room looks like a Bernie Sanders rally,” my source said. “Maybe they found these jurors in central casting, or at a Black Lives Matter rally in Berkeley [Calif.]”

Of the 20 jurors, 11 are African-Americans and two were wearing “peace T-shirts,” the witness said. “There was only one white male in the room, and he was a prosecutor.” Mueller was not present.

ONLY ONE WHITE MAN AND HE WASN'T ON THE JURY? Why is Robert Mueller doing a war on white men????? And people wearing "peace" t-shirts? What is this, HITLER'S IRAN?

Next question: Which witness is this talking anonymously? Because he or she is not very S-M-R-T. Regardless of who liked whom best in the Democratic primary, it's a history fact that black folks, for the most part, were With Her, whereas Bernie rallies were KINDA white. (Yes, youngs of color, we know you went for Bernie 52-48, as opposed to your parents, who drowned you out one million to nine.) "Witness" might as well have said, "Gah, everybody is singing Toby Keith songs in here, what is this, SHABBAT DINNER?"

"Witness" also mentioned "central casting," and you know who who talks about "central casting" a lot? Donald Trump. This leads us to believe "witness" is somebody VERY close to the president, maybe even in his family. Guess we'll have to see when the newest indictments roll out!

This is not the first time we have heard this line of reasoning about Mueller's DC grand jury. Attorney Alan Dershowitz, who for some reason is considered an "expert" commentator on Constitutional matters related to the Mueller probe, argued back in August that Mueller's jury would be stacked against Trump because it's in DC, which is full of [whispers] Democrats! And DC has a lot of black folks, as Dershowitz well knows, so it's safe to say he meant to whisper that DC is full of B-L-A-C-K-S. Why didn't Robert Mueller do a grand jury in Lubbock, where the white economic-anxiety-havers are, if he wanted to be fair? That is what Alan Dershowitz would like to know.

And now we have "witness" who went in front of the jury and counted on his/her fingers and toes and there were 11 blacks and no white guys and also probably the New Black Panthers were playing the Knockout Game while Beyoncé declared war on all the policemen, and now Iowa Rep. Steve King will have to start a Congressional investigation into "how many blacks is too many," and now 2018 is ruined.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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