Butthurt Missouri County Decides To Stop Being Butthurt, For The Troops

Was it really only breakfast o'clock when we told you about these idiot commissioners in Podunksberg, Missouri, who unanimously voted to lower their flagfor an entire fucking yearto mourn the end of one-dude-on-one-chick-only marriage as we know it? Yup. But the arc of the moral universe, sometimes it's a speedy motherfucker, and look, it has already bent these schmucks over and grabbed them by the ankles:  

Dent County Presiding Commissioner Darrell Skiles told The Salem News this morning (Tuesday) that the Dent County Commission will meet in a special session to rescind their Monday morning order to lower the flags at the Dent County Courthouse and Judicial Building in response to the Supreme Court’s decision on same-sex marriage. [...]

“I’ve had a lot of personal one-on-one dialogue with members of the military,” Skiles told The Salem News Tuesday morning via telephone. “It’s a mixed bag, some support it (flag lowering) and others find it extremely offensive, and that was not our goal at all.”

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Aw, nuts, really? Who could possibly have imagined that some might take offense at these whiny mofos lowering the flag --belowhalf-staff, like it's WORSE THAN DEATH -- just because people can marry each other now, even if they have the same sexytime parts? Sure, Commissioner Skiles complained that the Supreme Court's "travesty" of an opinion on marriage equality was basically a "stamp of approval of what God speaks of as an abomination." And sure, fellow Commissioner Gary Larson sobbed that "it ain't what our Bible tells us" and "it's against God's plan." Oh, and also that he is “tired of minority groups like gays getting whatever they want even when they are only two percent of the population and the majority of people do not want it.” Jesus, pal, you french kiss your mother with that mouth?

But they didn't mean to offend anyone, obviously! Certainly not The Troops and Our Veterans. And certainly DEFINITELY not people like Gary and Jimmy Cotner, the county's first recipients of a license to gay-marriage each other. Gary Cotner, ya see, is not just A Gay -- one of them minority types Commissioner Larson says is doing "death to a part of our freedom" -- but he is also A Veteran. And veterans are kinda picky about following the United States Flag Code, which does not actually allow for the lowering of a flag below half-staff, EVER, and certainly not because you have the sadface sads about state-licensed same-sexed scissoring.

“I was more offended as a veteran than a gay man at what they were doing,” Cotner said. “To desecrate the flag of our country and those who fought and died for it is disgusting. I am more hurt they are using our flag as an instrument of hate than I am to be a victim of that hate, and to think it’s just because they don’t like gay people such as myself.”

So it seems that after taking a Real Bold Stand against the tyrannical Bible-violating Supreme Court, the Dent County commissioners have decided they answer to a higher court: the court of public opinion. Andthatcourt has reached a unanimous verdict that those commissioners better put that flag back up where it belongs, according to The Laws of U.S. America, or else they hate those who have fought and even for-real died for our freedoms, including our freedom to have mean dick thoughts, but not the freedom to ignore the law because that is not actually a thing. God bless America.

[ The Salem News ]