CA Gov Gavin Newsom Throws  Punch At FL Gov DeSantis's Giant Glass Jaw

2022 midterms
CA Gov Gavin Newsom Throws  Punch At FL Gov DeSantis's Giant Glass Jaw

There isn't enough profanity in the English language to describe Ron DeSantis. Your Wonkette, a famous cussy pottymouth, could never do justice to Florida's famously evil governor, with his "Don't Say Gay" bill, attacks on free speech, targeting of LGBTQ minorities, gutting education standards, and radical gerrymandering. But California Governor Gavin Newsom gets a gold star for trolling this week, as he took to the airwaves at Fox to put a finger in DeSantis's beady eye with an ad that manages to be mean without swears at all.

And they said it couldn't be done!

"It's Independence Day, so let's talk about what's going on in America," Newsom opens, as a picture of DeSantis embracing Trump flashes on the screen.

"Freedom is under attack in your state," he says, addressing the people of Florida directly and also any Republicans watching this national spot. "Your Republican leaders? They're banning books, making it harder to vote, restricting speech in classrooms and even criminalizing women and doctors."

That's the stuff, baby! Put that shit in our veins. Call out the people who howl hourly about cancel culture for being the ones doing the vast majority of the canceling. Say it with us now: REPUBLICANS ARE CANCELING YOUR FREEDOM! And not even with access to affordable health care, like a common Obummer.

Because Republicans' positions on everything from gun control to gay marriage but most particularly on abortion are wildly out of step with public sentiment. If we aren't airing ads everywhere with pictures of young girls in handcuffs contrasted with happy women talking to their doctors, then shame on us! This is America, the country that elected a guy whose only discernible skill was trashing his opponents on Twitter. We want someone who can throw a damn punch!

Plus, as an added bonus, making DeSantis the avatar of the GOP probably brings forward the date when the cold war between DeSantis and Trump turns hot. Let them fight dot gif!

"I urge all of you living in Florida to join the fight," Newsom goes on. "Or join us in California, where we still believe in freedom. Freedom of speech, freedom to choose, freedom from hate, and the freedom to love."

Yes! FFS, 61 percent of Americans think abortion should be "legal in all or most cases." There is absolutely no excuse for Democrats not to beat the shit out of Republicans on this issue every single day for the next four months, in every state and every race. We have a shot to flip the Michigan state Legislature, and we need to protect Governor Tony Evers in Wisconsin and Senator Catherine Cortez-Masto in Nevada, while holding legislatures in Maine and Nevada. How about we try talking about the things that actually matter to voters? Because 88 percent of Democrats and 53 percent of independents oppose the recent Dobbs decision gutting Roe v. Wade. We need to quit being afraid to say the word abortion and run hard on protecting women's rights!

"Don't let them take your freedom!" Newsom says in closing, with an intonation and finger wag that echoes a '90s-era Bill Clinton. And yeah, okay, Bill Clinton is, umm, problematic, and Newsom isn't everyone's cup of tea. But you know what those guys did? They fucking won!

Oh, there we go, cussing again. And just one day after the anniversary of Jesus declaring America an independent Christian nation! LOL, whatever. Get the hell out there and fight, people. We're the majority, our social policies reflect the will of the voters, and our leaders need to start acting like it.

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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