Trump Stops Yelling At Clouds For Three Days, Hides From Them Instead

Donald Trump is back from Paris, shaking off his incredibly challenging weekend surrounded by globalists who hate America. Along the way, he blew off visiting an American WWI cemetery Saturday because "rain," scowled his way through a ceremony marking the 100th anniversary of the Armistice, at which French President Emmanuel Macron condemned rampant nationalism, and then finally got to have a Dead-Americans-Only commemoration of WWI at a different US cemetery outside Paris, where he still couldn't resist joking about how nice it must have been to be one of the American WWII veterans in attendance, shielded from the weather. And once he got home, he's doing nothing -- maybe golfing? Dunno -- because it's a holiday of some kind. No public appearances on his schedule. It's not like he'd lay a wreath at Arlington, because this is not Memorial Day, and also it's raining.

Oh wait, no it's not.

Also, Arlington National Cemetery is two miles from the White House. But let's be fair -- perhaps Trump is worried the mist will make him have a bad day or maybe he is a Gremlin and can't come in contact with water or maybe he has just been living with rabies this whole time and that's why he can't risk it.

As we noted in our Kurt Vonnegut's Birthday/Armistice Day post yesterday, the "president" of the United States flew across an ocean to mostly ignore or pay only superficial attention to several Armistice events. He couldn't be bothered to face a little bit of rain and so cancelled a visit to the Aisne-Marne American cemetery and memorial, which has graves of Americans who died in the Belleau Wood, because the overcast and drizzle was too dangerous for Marine One to fly in, and as Sarah Huckabee Sanders later explained, it was the kind of weather you wouldn't send a mere Obama out in:

[Sanders] issued a statement on Sunday that noted the weather and "near-zero visibility" as well as concerns that a motorcade on short notice would have required closing roads to traffic.

"President Trump did not want to cause that kind of unexpected disruption to the city and its people," Sanders said. She also said the trip to Aisne-Marne was 2½ hours each way by car.

Such a thoughtful man! The White House has been careful to point out that it was the Marine Corps and the Secret Service who ultimately made the decision not to fly, not Trump, who was presumably as eager to go as that time he said he'd rush unarmed into a school shooting and take out the gunman with his bare hands, if only he had a school shooting handy. So instead, Trump was forced to stay at the US Ambassador's residence and blame California for letting itself catch on fire.

Trump also just barely bothered showing up at the main ceremony marking the Armistice in Paris. Instead of marching with Macron and other world leaders in a procession up the Champs Elysees to the Arc de Triomphe, Trump instead arrived in a separate motorcade to the Arc, again because "Security protocols." He sat scowling like a petulant teen until finally he had a reason to smile, because his only real friend, Vladimir Putin, showed up to shake his hand and give him a thumbs-up:

In his speech to the assembled world leaders, Macron singled out Trump and his authoritarian best pals for criticism:

Macron described himself as a patriot, and said: "Patriotism is the exact opposite of nationalism. Nationalism is a betrayal of patriotism. In saying: 'Our interests first, whatever happens to the others,' you erase the most precious thing a nation can have, that which makes it live, that which causes it to be great and that which is most important: its moral values."

He warned: "Old demons are resurfacing. History sometimes threatens to take its tragic course again and compromise our hope of peace. Let us vow to prioritise peace over everything."

He said the traces of the first world war had never been erased from Europe nor the Middle East and called on countries to stand together in "goodwill" against climate change, poverty and inequality. "Let us build our hopes rather than playing our fears against each other."

Damn. If that's how you're gonna be, why does America even have allies, screw you, Manny. It's not like international cooperation did anyone any good in the Great War, which America won by itself after the French and British fought from 1914 to 1917 and never got anywhere, you losers. (Haha, here we are attributing to Trump more historical knowledge than he can possibly even possess. Sure he's a jingoist, but he doesn't know enough about the war to even distort history with that nationalist slant.)

Later, Trump read a completely adequate speech at the American Cemetery of Suresnes, just outside Paris, where he even managed to scowl at an American general while being introduced, only this time with the Eiffel Tower in the background.

During the speech -- which dutifully marked American and French sacrifices and the terrible losses of the Great War with all the deep engagement of a man reading a list of menu items he's annoyed he has to choose from -- Trump managed to make a little joke about how at least the six US vets of the Second World War didn't have to get all wet and uncomfortable like he did:

"You look so comfortable up there under shelter as we're getting drenched," Trump said, drawing laughter from the crowd. "You're very smart people."

"You look like you're in very good shape, all of you," he added. "I hope I look like that some day. America is forever in your debt."

The Greatest Generation, and what a debt we owe them, but if they're that great, why am I the one getting rained on? Finally, his nearly half-hour ordeal over, Trump was able to get out of the rain and go back to Air Force One, knowing deep in his heart that War Is Hell.

And then EVERYBODY on the internet posted pictures of Barack Obama standing in various downpours on Veteran's Day and other occasions, not even giving Trump credit for having done almost the same thing, only in much lighter rain, once, and aren't the double standards sad?

Even the French military got in on the mockery, so see if we ever save them from the Germans again, huh?

Maybe for the fake news media to give him some respect, Donald Trump should have been born in Kenya, huh?

[CBS News / WaPo / Guardian / NBC / Guardian / Politico / HuffPo]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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