Donate

Bears repeating


Darn it, California, you just keep making us godless liberals out here in flyover land love you, even though we don't want to live in any damn California. But just look at some of the nifty new laws that went into effect in the Golden State as of January 1 while some of us spent the day oversleeping and finally watching Black Mirror on Netflix (OMG the one with the pig!).

Everyone Is A Common Jazz Criminal Artist!

The biggie, of course, is the legalization of recreational marijuana, passed by initiative in 2016. The law won't result in legal-weed stores on every corner just yet, since businesses have to apply for licenses, but the state's official cannabis website -- cannabis.ca.gov (the Freak Brothers just plotzed) -- notes that 400 businesses have already received temporary operating licenses statewide. But no drive-through toking: The state has also prohibited, subject to a fine, the use of cannabis for both drivers and passengers in vehicles. Ken Kesey's bus is seriously bummed. Regarding today's little contretemps with Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III (vomit), back in May, California AG Xavier Becerra promised, "I would love to see Jeff Sessions come to California and tell us we’re not going to move forward on cannabis. Something tells me that it’s not gonna happen. I’ll probably be the 1 millionth person in line to fight Jeff Sessions on that.”

Jerb Stuff

Good news for workers, too: For businesses with more than 25 employees, the minimum wage is going up to $11 an hour; smaller businesses will still pay $10.50 an hour. That's a raise for more than two million workers in the state! The minimum wage is set to go up in $1 an hour increments every year until it reaches $15 an hour in 2022, but if job growth turns negative, the governor has the option to stop the increase.

Also, when you're applying for a job, employers can't ask your salary history anymore, a measure aimed at reducing the wage gap between men and women. Employers, on the other hand, will have to disclose pay scales for a given job if an applicant asks.

The state has also upped the availability of family leave: Workers can take up to 12 weeks of parental leave. It's unpaid, but you won't lose your health insurance while on leave.

Fuck You Trump, Cali Loves Immigrants

The state's new sanctuary law restricts how much state and local cops can cooperate with La Migra. Cops won't be allowed to ask people about their immigration status, and can only hold people for ICE agents if they've been convicted of a crime. Another law prohibits landlords from narcing on tenants who are undocumented, or threatening to do so. Workplace raids will require a warrant and employees will have to be given 72 hours notice.

Is Our Children Learning?

Schools will be forbidden from denying lunch to kids who can't afford it. Give Everybody Eat!

Gals in grades 6 to 12 will be provided free tampons and sanitary supplies at school, and boys will just have to feel jealous that they don't menstruate. Go read Gloria Steinem, lads.

And the first step toward free college for all in-state students is kicking in, with a waiver of fees for first-time students enrolling full-time at community colleges.

Gun Tyranny

Ammunition sales must be completed in person at a licensed dealer. Online sales will be allowed, but the ammo has to be shipped to a licensed vendor and picked up there.

A 2016 policy that let school administrators decide whether employees could carry licensed concealed weapons on campus has been revoked, and now no firearms will be allowed in any public school. Get ready for the NRA to go apeshit.

Just Nice Stuff

To cut down on puppy and kitten mills, pet stores can only sell cats, dogs, and rabbits that are rescue animals. Betta fish and guppies don't have to come from shelters, however.

New and renovated public buildings must have baby-changing tables in both men's and women's restrooms.

Driver's licenses and birth certificates will no longer require a listing of "male" or "female." And starting in 2019, driver's licenses will offer "nonbinary" as an option -- but no answer will be just as good if you want.

Protections for LGBTQ folks in nursing homes and long-term care facilities have been strengthened. No discrimination in admissions or evictions, and care workers must respect residents' preferred name and gender pronouns.

To make getting a safe ride home easier, the state will allow alcohol companies and bars to team up with ride share services and taxis to provide vouchers or promo codes for free or discounted rides.

And in a move aimed at reducing the petty tyranny of asshole cops trying to meet quotas, pedestrians can't be charged with jaywalking anymore for entering a crosswalk while the flashing hand or countdown signal is showing.

Fine, California. But Idaho still has the smartest law when it comes to bicycles at stoplights and stop signs, so there.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to help us live outside the People's Republic of California.

[Quartz / KCRA / NBC San Diego]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

$
Donate with CC
Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

Help Wonkette LIVE FOREVER! Seriously, if you can, please help, by making a donation of MONEY.

[Washington Post]

$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc