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Canada Spills Earthquake Mess All Over Northern U.S. Border

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This afternoon Canada hada socialist 5.0-magnitude earthquake all over its Eastern "provinces" of Ontario and Quebec. This being Canada, those brash, inconsiderate bastards, they couldn't keep the thing to themselves -- so for 30 seconds, Americans in states from Vermont to Michigan HAD TO DEAL with things shaking. Here's yet another case of a Commonwealth country popping open the Earth and causing a huge spill (this one made of vibrations) on America's borders. Is this the Queen's attempt to take back and tax America? It'll take more than that, m'lady. Expect Obama to send you a bill for any porcelain truck nutz that fell off our mantles and shattered on the floor, Canada.


Oh, by the way, Canada only found out about this earthquake from the U.S. Geological Survey, as Canada is too poor too afford its own geological survey and just mooches off ours.

If you're looking for any sort of earthquake relief, Canada, forget it. We only give that to our real ally, Haiti. Have fun being a third-world country that can't get any help from America! Think about that next time you decide to test the soundness of our borders with your pathetic shaking. [AP / CBC]

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