Can't SOME Of The 101 Democrats Running For President Remember The Senate Also Exists?

2020 Congressional Elections
Can't SOME Of The 101 Democrats Running For President Remember The Senate Also Exists?

The Senate is killing us. The GOP gained control in 2014 because liberals had something better to do that day, and ever since then Mitch McConnell has twisted the legislative body into a deformed mockery of partisan hackery. He's jacked Supreme Court seats, packed the courts with right-wing extremists, and shrugs off foreign attacks on the nation as long as it benefits him. Nowadays, he likes to watch Democratic House bills wither and die like a sociopathic child sprinkling salt on a slug. He even calls himself the "Grim Reaper," because he doesn't even bother trying to hide his true nature like a common Louis Cipher.

"If I'm still the majority leader of the Senate after next year, [Medicare for All and the Green New Deal are never] going to pass the Senate," the Kentucky Republican told a small crowd during an event in his home state Monday. "They won't even be voted on. So think of me as the Grim Reaper: the guy who is going to make sure that socialism doesn't land on the president's desk."

McConnell is as plain as the growth on his neck: As long as he's in charge, there's no socialism (in the champagne room). The 101 Democrats running for president have bold ideas, but they all require non-reptile leadership in the Senate. This is why priority one is for Democrats to flip the three seats necessary to retake the Senate. They take this so seriously they've recruited such heavy hitters as Helena, Montana, Mayor Wilmot Collins.

Huh, what?

Collins is reportedly (by the editrix; he came to our Wonk party!) a really nice guy, but he's a former refugee from Liberia (the one in West Africa). I'm personally black and conscious enough to break the news that Collins is never winning anything statewide in Montana. Trump carried the state by 20 points. What the hell is going on here?

If Democrats were actually, you know, contesting Montana's Senate race, then two-term Governor Steve Bullock is the obvious choice. But he wants to be president instead. Well, he's not gonna, so he needs to wake up and get his ass to the Senate. Unfortunately, the Senate building isn't up to Bullock's standards. There's no walk-in closet or open concept floor plan. This is what he told CBS's Ed O'Keefe.

BULLOCK: I have a lot of respect for a lot of the Democratic Senators. And I know that we're gonna have good candidates in Montana to take on Senator [Steve] Daines [DO YOU? WE'RE LESS SURE]. But my experience has always been executive. I think that's where I can best apply my talents. And that's what I'm looking forward to doing.

What Bullock's actually going to do is place a billionth in Iowa and then drop out because he only has eight buffalo nickels in the bank. If he enjoys public humiliation and stinging ass whippings, that's his personal choice. But hire a discreet dominatrix and run for the damn Senate where we could use him.

Bullock told reporters yesterday that he's "frustrated at the inaction in Congress" and would be "more effective" as a president who is frustrated by congressional inaction. Why would anyone want to repeat Barack Obama's last two years in office? We have to flip the Senate. Period.

Meanwhile, sentient mop Chuck Schumer can't seem to convince anyone to run for Senate. Future failed presidential candidates Beto O'Rourke or John Hickenlooper (remember him?) could actually win Senate elections in Texas and Colorado. Schumer "relentlessly" pursued Stacey Abrams, but she declined to challenge David Perdue in Georgia. The GOP has had a good old time laughing in Schumer's face over all his "recruiting fails." (For some reason, Joe Biden thinks Republicans will magically turn into decent people "again" once Trump is gone. Guess it'll be like the end of The Wiz.)

Schumer now just spends his time reminding everyone how awful McConnell is. Come to think of it, that's probably not the best recruiting strategy. Would you want to work with Mitch McConnell? Would you want to have a drink with him?

Obama on getting a drink with Mitch McConnell

Schumer should just tweet videos of Kamala Harris and Elizabeth Warren playing poker in the Senate break room. That's a more compelling incentive.

Raw Story's Matthew Chapman states that the "life of a senator is miserable and powerless" under McConnell's rule. Not even some Republicans want to endure it. Well, too bad, so sad. If Democrats really want to serve the nation, they need to jump headfirst in the turtle's den. This seemingly endless presidential ego trip isn't helping anyone.

[Slate / Politico / CBSNews]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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