Carly Fiorina Gets Lady Quota Affirmative Actioned Into Next Republican Debate
It's not because she's a woman, it's because of that Demon Sheep look in her eyes.
Remember how Carly Fiorina has been complaining all the time, like every day, except for how she is SO NOT COMPLAINING (she's been complaining), that CNN has some sort of lame "rules" about who gets to stand under Donald Trump's armpits at the next debate? Well, all that complaining has paid off, because CNN decided to change the rules, JUST FOR HER, AWWWWWWW:
With today's change, Fiorina would also qualify for the top-tier debate.
Fiorina, who aggressively lobbied for a change in debate rules, found out about the news while appearing on Meghan McCain's radio show to discuss the guidelines.
"Literally as we're speaking, I just got a text that CNN has amended their GOP debate criteria," she told McCain.
Fiorina praised the move, saying, "It's pretty clear that I'm in the top five, and so I think they made the right decision based on the data, which clearly has shifted in my case dramatically."
Meghan McCain's radio show? Is that really a thing? Does it involve Kaboodles?
Okay, so basically all CNN did was tighten up the window of eligibility, limiting it to polls taken AFTER the first Republican debate, when Fiorina won the kids' table by slaying dragons and saying a noun, a verb, and Hewlett-Packard.
But don't you dare say that it was Fiorina's nagging that caused this, and also don't you dare say "affirmative action" to her, because you are WRONG. "I've earned this place," she told snotface radio host Laura Ingraham. Also, too, she wants everyone to know that she's not just running for president so maybe a Republican Man Boy will pick her to be the vice president:
"That's sexist," she said.
“I think I earned my place on the debate stage, I think I’ll earn the nomination and I think I’m qualified to do the job," she added, also saying "I have never made gender an issue in this campaign."
TWO THINGS. Is it really "sexist" to say a person is running just to be veep, because it sure seems like that's what Ted Cruz is doing with Donald Trump right now! If saying that is "sexist," then Carly Fiorina just gave us a mental image of Cruz seductively pulling his red dress up his thighs and fluttering his eyes in Donald Trump's general direction, and we're probably going to need brain bleach for a long time, THANKS CARLY.
Yr Wonkette does Google image searches so you don't have to. (viaImgur)
But also, REALLY? It is a science fact that Fiorina has NOT made gender an issue in this campaign? We seem to remember it differently. Because remember how she wants to be the nominee so she can keep Hillary from playing the vagina card? If U.S. Americans see the Lady Fiorina on that stage, she imagines, they will obviously say, "Two vaginas cancel each other out!" and sexism will be OVER. And you can just forget about how she used to LOVE Hillary Clinton for what a strong woman she is, and the way she faced all the sexism. That was then, this is now.
Also, too, remember how Fiorina wink wink, nudge nudges that she didn't fail at being the CEO of Hewlett-Packard because she was a bad leader, but because of psssssssst, sexism? Besides, she did a great job at HP, the penis-having man person who fired her says so.
Yeah, all of those things. Have fun saying zingers at the next debate, Carly Fiorina. You've earned it. Maybe.
[CNN / Politico viaWashington Post / Crooks & Liars]
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.