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Just like Hillary Clinton, ONLY BETTER.


Carly Fiorina is SERIOUS. She is in this presidential campaign to win it, so that she can drive America right into the ground, just like she did to Hewlett-Packard. And now that she's polling with the big boys, she's not going to let that go to her head. Yes, she may be a lady herself, but she's not using gender as a wedge in this campaign, FUCK NO. How could you possibly suggest that? (LOL and LOL and LOL again.) And that is why she has pledged not to make any silly jokes about how that lady Hillary Clinton is a lady with lady vagina parts, as that would simply be BENEATH a woman of Fiorina's stature:

"I feel empathy with every woman who is working really hard and giving it all they've got — and Hillary is," she told People Magazine. [...]

But she told the magazine that she solely focuses her criticism on her official duties and wouldn’t attack her personally.

We as women, especially in presidential politics, need to play by the same rules as the men. If we want to play this game as equals, we need to play by the same rules, and that means our track record is relevant," she said.

“And so I never make a personal comment about Hillary Clinton — my criticism of her is fact-based, based on her actions and track record. And that is fair game."

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That's RIGHT. Because remember how Carly Fiorina basically already endorsed Hillz anyway, back in 2008? In case you're too distracted by Carly's lies about Planned Parenthood, or how Hewlett-Packard illegally sold shit to Iran under her leadership, let us remind you what Carly Fiorina thinks about stuff and things, namely stuff and things called "Hillary":

I have such great admiration and empathy for Hillary Clinton. I have great admiration for her because I know what it takes in some small measure to do what she has done. She is obviously incredibly intelligent, focused, tough, determined, empathetic of all the tens of millions of people that she was trying to represent in her quest to become the first woman president of the United States.

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Of course, that was then, and this is now. Now Carly's like "okay, whatever, LADY, just because you went a lot of places on an airplane when you were Secretary Of State, it's not like you DID anything." Besides Benghazi, probably.

But no girl jokes. That would just be rude. She's not even going to blame Hillary for that time Donald Trump criticized her own lady face. After all, it's not Hillary's fault how she's a girl, the scientific definition of which is "78% of Carly." (Seriously! She's just like Hillary Clinton! Just much better!) So let's just keep this campaign above the waist, okay?

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[The Hill]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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