Carly Fiorina Says All The Stupid On Climate Change And Then Some

That lady Republican in pink, Carly Fiorina, is enjoying her 15 minutes, so she's working overtime to barf out as much conservative stupid as she can before her time is up. Look, here she is talking stuff about climate change with America's favorite hardest-hitting interviewer, Katie Couric. Expert tree-hugger David Roberts provides a Vox listiclesplainer of how every single word out of Fiorina's mouth is factually inaccurate, and you can look at charts and graphs and percentages and SCIENCE FACTS if you want to get your nerd on.

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Meanwhile, we just wanna laugh at how ALL-CAPS DUMB Fiorina's words are. For example:

I think we have to read all the fine print. So every one of the scientists that tell us that climate change is real and being caused by manmade activity also tell us that a single nation, acting alone, can make no difference at all.

Great point, Ms. Fiorina. That is why President Obama has been working with China, and also the United Nations, to get the whole planet on board with this "saving the planet" thing. Thus and therefore, while the rebuttal that we can't solve the problem ourselves so let's not even bother trying is not very helpful, it's also sort of irrelevant, because ACTUALLY, the other countries we generously lease Earth lots to are workin' on this here climate change situation too. Next?

China could care [sic, dumbass] less. In fact, China is delighted that we are not spending any time or energy figuring out clean coal, 'cause they're going to go do it.

You mean this China, Ms. Smarty Skirt?

The landmark agreement, jointly announced here by President Obama and President Xi Jinping, includes new targets for carbon emissions reductions by the United States and a first-ever commitment by China to stop its emissions from growing by 2030.

Instead of trying to fix it ourselves, not that we're trying to fix it ourselves, what should we do instead?

Well, I think we have to focus on innovation. We have to focus on innovation.

Cool! Like, with new kinds of energy, maybe from the sun, which is free and clean, allowing us to power all our iCrap without making the air so dirty we cannot even breathe? Because that would be cool, and check it out! President Obama is soon it!

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Is that what you mean by in-o-vation, Ms. Fiorina?

So we have to focus on how to make coal cleaner. Look, coal provides half the energy in this nation, still, not to mention around the world. So to say we're going to basically outlaw coal, which is what this administration has done, is so self-defeating. It destroys jobs, it destroys communities, it's not helping us, and it's not helping global warming. So let's get on with the innovation about how to make sure that we actually have clean coal technology.

Oh. Of course she means using the same dirty energy sources, but giving them fancy new marketing names to make them sound better. (Science fact: Coal is carbon. You could look it up!) Well, that's innovative. We guess. But what about the other kinds of energy, huh?

I mean, wind technology is very exciting to people. But do we tell people the truth? That it slaughters millions of birds, every year? I mean, eagles, falcons -- birds that people care about. Do we tell people that it's slaughtering these birds? Does anyone see how, honestly, unsightly those huge wind turbines are on some of the most beautiful hills.

We had no idea Carly was such a bird enthusiast. But OK, guess we should stick to using coal, because those wind turbines out in the middle of nowhere are ugly, and won't someone PLEASE think of the birds? Lord knows coal -- especially the clean kind -- never hurt any children or other living things.

Now then, Madam, if you'd be so kind, make like a good Republican and explain whether global warming is a "serious issue" we should even bother caring about at all:

I think it is, frankly, ridiculous, for the Obama administration to call ISIS a strategic distraction and then go on to say that climate change is the single most pressing national security issue of our time. That's hyperbole.

Yes. Obama sucks. We know. Except that's not really an answer to the question of whether climate change is a serious issue. Ask her again, Katie, maybe she'll get it if you use smaller words. And when she doesn't, just say the same thing again until she does:

COURIC: Let me ask you how you feel about it. I'm not asking what the Obama administration, how they have assessed it. I'm curious what you think about climate change.

FIORINA: I do not think climate change is a national security threat that equals, in any way, Iran getting a nuclear bomb, ISIS beheading people because of their religion --

COURIC: Let me rephrase it. Or actually just repeat it. Do you think climate change is a serious issue facing the country and the world?

FIORINA: I think it's an issue. And I think we ought to be focusing time, energy, and resources on innovations that will help address this issue. But I think we need to keep it in perspective. I think a far more serious issue is the number of Americans whose lives are tangled up in webs of dependence. I think a far more serious issue is people who aren't getting a good education. I think a far more serious issue are [sic again, dumbass] are the dangers we face around the world. I think a far more serious issue right now is the fact that our government is a vast, bloated, unaccountable, corrupt bureaucracy. I think every one of those are more pressing and immediate issues.

OK, cool. So once we kick people off welfare, teach them how to read and make math more good, and also how does does subject-verb agreement work, and then shrink some government agencies, maybe then we can spend more time worrying about how the whole US of America's coastline is going to sink into the sea. And how July was the planet's hottest month on record since the last hottest month on record, which was also the hottest month on record. And how we are all going to die from dirty asthma lung cancer and never be able to go outside again. So long as we keep the birds safe, that is.



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