Charlie Kirk Pretty Sure Balloons Just Biden UFO False Flags To Scare Him Into Obeying

Conspiracy theories
Charlie Kirk Pretty Sure Balloons Just Biden UFO False Flags To Scare Him Into Obeying

Times are weird, so we should check in with a serious political pundit for help understanding what's going on.

Charlie Kirk, why are balloons?

“Should we even trust anything that the government is saying?"

Not Joe Biden's government, because laptop.

"Could this all just be a false flag operation to fake an alien invasion or fake a UFO hysteria crisis to try to justify more power — lockdowns — control?"

Yes. Joe Biden is going to fake an alien invasion and steal all the power and bring about the long prophesied dictatorship. This is how the next chapter of history is going to work. All the aliens are going to look like this, which will really throw Charlie Kirk off and make him obey quickly:

Charlie Kirk says these are rational questions that he has.

"These are all rational questions,

But he believes these things he is saying. About how the things we are now just randomly shooting out of the air are a false flag Joe Biden will use to fake an alien invasion or a UFO hysteria crisis. (As if the media could not manufacture that all on their own.)

but I do believe this."

Charlie Kirk feels like he's being lied to.

"I feel like I’m being lied to.”

We imagine Charlie Kirk experiences that disorienting feeling a lot. Maybe like when his pals say things like "No, Charlie, none of us are going out tonight, we're all too tired to hang, BIIIIIIG YAWN." Maybe those yawns are a false flag to make Charlie think nobody is going out tonight so he'll go home.

When Air Force General Glen VanHerck told reporters that they weren't ruling out anything yet when it comes to these things they've been shooting out of the sky — because whatever it is, we should shoot it, pew pew pew! — it was pretty predictable that the more conspiracy-minded among us would go immediately to aliens. And we guess it's pretty unsurprising that the Charlie Kirks among us are going directly to hallucinations about Joe Biden using alien invasions as a pretext for declaring himself absolute dictator for life, because of how they are abject morons.

We should probably also watch for more of this to crop up. JoeMyGod flags this:

Yes indeed, the bugfucks are out. And Charlie Kirk is leading them to Just Ask Questions about things.

Will the number one issue of the 2024 presidential campaign be UFOs? Sure why not. Every day of our existence is stupider than the last. We are a failed people. This is how life is now.


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And once that doesn't exist, I'm also giving things a go at the Mastodon ( and at Post!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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