Chick-Fil-A Fails To Meet 2015 Gay-Bashing Quotient. Fix It, Jesus!
Except for this one franchise! They love the gays!
Oh no! The wingnut gay-hatin' fans of Chick-fil-A, whose bodies are composed of 96 percent trans fat and 4 percent Jesus meat, are dripping lard lumps of rage all over their everywheres, because this one Chick-fil-A in Nashville did something nice for gays! WHAT'S GONE AND HAPPENED TO THEIR BIGOT CHICKEN?! You know they only go there because they're pretty sure part of the proceeds from every chikin sandwich they eat goes to deprogamming one queer homo for Jesus.
So what exactly did the dastardly Chick-fil-A do? Oh, this Nashville franchise sponsored a queer homo film festival, and even worse, it's a queer homo CHRISTIAN film festival. Pfffft, like "gay Christians" even are a thing:
Chick-fil-A is one of the sponsors for Level Ground, a faith-based LGBT film festival.
According to their website, Level Ground creates a space for dialogue about faith, gender and sexuality through the arts.
That's nice! Oh wait, excuse us, that is TERRIBLE AND BAD AND SATAN AND KATY PERRY SWIVELING HER JESUS-MAKERS ALL IN ONE! Indeed, wingnut Christian "journalist" Rick Wiles is so mad he says Chick-fil-A should put a new dish on its menu called "yellow-bellied weasel." Now, let's be fair. Maybe he just doesn't know where to get no good yellow-bellied weasel anymore, at least not the way his mama used to make it, with the traditional Wiles family squirrel jizz compote drizzled on top.
There is, of course, a Change.org petition (no GoFundMe yet) screaming at the Chick-fil-A corporate overlords that a franchise Did A Gay, and they MISSED it, like a buncha dumb-dumbs. Thing is, individually owned Chick-Fil-A franchises are allowed to do what they want! Anecdotally, yr Wonkette can tell you that during the Great Gay Chick-fil-A Wars Of 2012 (requiescat in pace, all those we lost), local activists in our area were approached by a franchise owner who (HORRORS!) wanted to reach out to the gay community in a NICE way.
And there's more!
[T]his isn’t the first time a local Chick-fil-A has invited national conservative scrutiny for doing something that could possibly be construed as not-anti-gay. Last year, a franchise in Hollywood, California hosted an anti-bullying fundraiser. The previous year, that franchise was a sponsor at — you guessed it — Level Ground’s film festival.
Rogue homosexual chicken franchises everywhere, hide yr kids!
You have to understand, though, how important it is to America's fundamentalist Christian nutsacks, and their representatives in Congress, to preserve the sanctity of pumping their arteries full of bigot chicken for Jesus. Whore-sexing diaper fetishist Sen. David Vitter cried into a greasy bag of Chick-fil-A meat the day after the Supreme Court throat-crammed America with gay marriage. See? He tweeted a picture of it!
OOPS! Wrong picture. Here's the tweet:
And then he took the rest of the bag to his mistress and asked her to have some abortions, ALLEGEDLY.
More than that, have you heard how excited congressional Republicans get when it's Chick-fil-A day on Capitol Hill? They spent $13,000 in bigot bucks on those chicken sammiches, just between 2012 and 2014. And hoo boy, you don't want to know about the Chick-fil-A gay sex orgies they hold in the House gym, but let's just say they use the grease as anal lube, according to the rumor we just made up, MUST CREDIT WONKET.
Anyway, this is just terrible news, please fix it, Jesus.