Chick-Fil-A, Last Bastion Of Christian Values, Falls To Gay Agenda, America Over
Photo: Jay Reed, Creative Commons license 2.0

Wingnut America is having itself a fine pity party after Chick-fil-A announced Monday that starting January 1, its charitable foundation would no longer donate to two organizations that oppose gay rights, the Salvation Army and the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. in the future, Chick-fil-A says it will focus its giving on groups that address education, homelessness and hunger, like Junior Achievement USA and Covenant House International, plus donations to local food banks.

Wingnut fundamentalists took the news calmly, saying they were disgusted to see the fast food company insult Jesus Christ like that by knuckling under to liberal cancel culture, and loudly proclaiming they'd never set foot in a Chick-fil-A again. Here's SuperChristian HeteroGuardian and moral pest Matt Walsh, who has previously fretted about little kids being gay-indoctrinated by purple hippopotamus unicorns. Walsh was deeply, personally hurt about it all damn day!

And those first two were among the relatively tame reactions. For a more unhinged take, let's turn to ... oh, how about Matt Walsh AGAIN. Not only did Chick-fil-A capitulate to the Evil Leftist Gays, it actually betrayed Jesus Christ Himself!

To be fair, Walsh had all morning to work himself up into a lather between the first and last tweets. Later in the day, he may have accused Chick-fil-A of personally participating in the Crucifixion; we didn't see.

The Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) also says marriage is for straights only, and its employee application says homosex of any kind is unacceptable to God. Also, its members are generally insufferable in high school, but that hasn't been the focus of any protests. The Salvation Army opposes marriage equality and has said the Bible condemns homosexuality, so gays should stay celibate. The group insists its charitable services are available to all, although in 2017, New York City's Human Rights Commission accused Salvation Army drug treatment facilities of discriminating against trans people.

Mike Huckabee was another luminary who couldn't believe that Chick-fil-A had denied Christ and gone over to Satan. How could they do that, after Huck Himself had generously organized the great big Eat Fried Chicken Sandwiches for Jesus Day way back in 2012, when he told people -- we are not making this up -- to "affirm appreciation for a company run by Christian principles" by eating deepfried dead bird meat. And lordy, the people came, they did!

But now, poor Huckabee says, he feels betrayed by Fried Chicken Jesus, what a world, what a world:

Also, is there any hope for America when a fast food joint gives in to HATE GROUPS?

Ben Shapiro, too, fretted that now that The Gays have gotten everything they want, America is over:

We should probably note that the rightwing Thought Leaderer is here referring to WB Yeats's poem, "The Second Coming," written in the wake of the Great War and the Easter Rising in Ireland -- an actual civil war.

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Naturally, a fried chicken restaurant's decision to change its charitable giving brings to mind the Apocalypse. If you're a dipshit. Also, we may disagree about who best fits the description "the worst are full of passionate intensity."

Wingnut conspiracy loon Jack Posobiec, whose own experience in the field of junk food includes pushing the Pizzagate conspiracy bullshit, was just terribly upset to see a decent Christian food restaurant unfairly targeted by political extremists, and at this sacred time of year, no less!

One America News Network host Liz Wheeler is pretty sure that Chick-fil-A can kiss goodbye its hopes of doing anything positive in the world by supporting "food pantries" and other charities, because American Values are promoted only by Christian charities and NO OTHERS:

How true this is! And "Christian" parents disowning their gay kids certainly has nothing to do with homelessness, either.

Many good Christians were at least happy to see that, following its unholy rebellion against Jesus, God, the American Flag, and decent gay-hatin' Christians of all faiths, Chick-fil-A hadn't even satisfied the Radical Gay Agenda Terrorist Bullies! The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) noted this was a real good start, but only a start, because the corporation is still eating greasy gobs of drippy battered dinosaur flesh in bed with other anti-gay groups, according to a statement from GLAAD's director of campaigns and rapid response, Drew Anderson:

If Chick-fil-A is serious about their pledge to stop holding hands with divisive anti-LGBTQ activists, then further transparency is needed regarding their deep ties to organizations like Focus on the Family, which exist purely to harm LGBTQ people and families

Chick-fil-A investors, employees, and customers can greet today's announcement with cautious optimism, but should remember that similar press statements were previously proven to be empty.

In addition to refraining from financially supporting anti-LGBTQ organizations, Chick-fil-A still lacks policies to ensure safe workplaces for LGBTQ employees and should unequivocally speak out against the anti-LGBTQ reputation that their brand represents.

See? Those people are never satisfied, and now Chick-fil-A, having simultaneously capitulated and not capitulated enough to The Left's demands, has so alienated the Right that it will now be DESTROYED for having given in to pressure.

So far, we haven't yet seen any rightwingers purchasing big piles of Chick-fil-A sandwiches for the express purpose of driving over the bags with a huge pickup, but we're sure that's on the way. They're really good at that sort of thing.

As a tense nation prepares for the coming civil war over gay chicken sammiches for the Lord, we are left with a single question: What rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Twitter to be born?

OK, make that two questions: What will wingnuts eat now for the sake of "triggering the libs"?

[CNN / Newsweek / Photo: Jay Reed, "Ckickin Sandwich" (2007). Creative Commons license 2.0]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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