Christofascist Matt Walsh Knows Who Has Orgies, Okay?
Daily Wire commentator Matt Walsh — the answer to the question "What if the mom from Carrie had her own television show?" — is very concerned with other people's genitals. He thinks about them all of the time. What those genitals are, what people are doing with them, who they're doing it with, what kind of medical procedures they're getting, and why no one besides him seems to think this is any of his business.
He is also very concerned about monkeypox, but not for the normal reasons. Jumping on the information that the virus has hit gay and bisexual men the hardest (that part is true, but also it's not sexually transmitted), Walsh has been on a tear recently about how men must stop having sex with each other in order to stop the spread. Also so that he can just have just one good night's sleep without having to think about all of the men out there having sex with one another without his consent.
"Still waiting for gay men who are having random sex with strangers during the Monkeypox outbreak to get lectured and scolded by public health authorities the way that the rest of us did for going to grocery stores and restaurants during COVID," he tweeted earlier this month, adding, "If we could be expected to give up our regular lives for a year, and our kids were expected to give up their education, can't we expect gay men to stop having orgies for a few months? Isn't that a reasonable sacrifice to ask of them?"
Again, monkeypox is not transmitted by sex. It is transmitted by skin-to-skin contact with a person who has it. Gender and sexual orientation do not figure into this even remotely. Additionally, while monkeypox is certainly a serious concern and can cause other health issues, people are not dropping like flies because of it or taking up entire hospitals to the point where no one else can be taken care of for anything and the healthcare system is overwhelmed. That's not happening. Should that happen, everyone will likely be told to stop touching other people for a while.
Following that tweet, many people helpfully pointed these things out to Walsh, along with the fact it's not only gay men who have orgies, it's not being exclusively translated through "orgies," all gay men are not out there having orgies all of the time, and maybe he should just calm down and stop thinking about other people having orgies so much.
And he did not like that one bit. So in his most recent show, Walsh lashed out and explained that "by definition" straight people do not participate in orgies.
\u201cDaily Wire host: "By definition, if you're a straight person, you're not going to orgies"\u201d— Jason Campbell (@Jason Campbell) 1659034640
Now, it’s true that anyone who attends orgies or has sex with a bunch of strangers is vulnerable. But the other fact that even fewer people want to say is that this kind of behavior is more common in the gay community than it is among straight people. It just is. Ok?
Straight people aren’t going to orgies. They’re not! I’ve never known, I’ve never encountered a heterosexual person who’s been to an orgy.
And you know why? It’s almost by definition. If you’re straight then you don’t want to be sexually involved with a group of people that will inevitably include other men. So by definition if you’re a straight person, you’re not going to orgies. That’s same for straight women.
But here’s the thing. If you want to pretend that gay and straight people are equally as likely to attend orgies and equally likely to have sex with multiple strangers in the same day. If you wanna pretend — and you are pretending — but let’s pretend for a moment.
Fine, actually! Then can we agree just to condemn all such behavior? By all people? I’m fine with that compromise.
Of course he is. Matt Walsh would never turn down an opportunity to condemn people for having sex. Never! It is his favorite activity. How many takers he will have with his offer to "condemn all such behavior," however, we cannot say. Most normal people don't really think it is their business to condemn anyone else's consensual sexual behavior. How many people will stop having orgies because Matt Walsh "condemns" them? We can probably assume zero. Zero would be the right number there.
It is also very believable that Matt Walsh has never encountered a heterosexual person who told him about their big orgy habit, given how dreadfully upset he gets over the idea of anyone having any kind of sex for non-procreative reasons. We all remember how confused and traumatized he was last year over Cardi B. and Megan Thee Stallion's WAP. Clearly, he's no Madison Cawthorn.
The uptick in homophobic (and sexphobic) bullshit surrounding monkeypox doesn't actually have anything to do with monkeypox. Matt Walsh does not give two flying shits about monkeypox. Walsh and people like him are just over the moon feeling like they have an opportunity to be homophobic dickwads with some kind of "Oh actually I just care about monkeypox" cover. It's all they've ever wanted and Walsh is so desperate to have it that he is literally out here trying to negotiate sex condemnations. He's literally bargaining like he's at some kind of social mores flea market. It's a little pathetic, frankly.
At some point Matt Walsh is going to have to accept that he does not get to live in a world where he gets to tell everyone what to do with their genitalia. It's going to be tough for him, but given how very holy he is, surely Jesus can help him through this one.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse