Chuck C. Johnson In Middle Of Sexy Drowned Stewardess Hitler Fantasia
It may have been a holiday weekend, but the news never stops -- and neither does sleazy reporting remora Chuck C. Johnson, who can always find a way to say something surreally horrifying about almost anything. Consider that missing AirAsia flight, for instance, which led Mr. Johnson to think with his Johnson:
Hey, he's just being honest! On the one hand, 162 probably dead. On the other, some of those corpses are undoubtedly smokin' hawt! Just don't expect an apology from Chuckles:
You think that's tasteless, maybe even bordering on creepy and necrophilic? It is obviously that your a foggot.
In other news, Chuck C. is also, not at all surprisingly, convinced that Bill de Blasio is a cop-killing monster of some kind. And it's not just that de Blasio is a bad person: His entire family needs to be taken down, so Johnson has issued a call for dirt, any dirt.
You know, the really hard-hitting stuff that will take de Blasio down once and for all:
So far, he's found some pretty inflammatory stuff! For instance, did you know that Bill de Blasio once signed a letter opposing the military defense of the United States of America? OK, actually, it was a letter that opposed Ronald Reagan's "Star Wars" missile defense system, which never actually fielded a working weapons system but did manage to spend a buttload of money. Clearly, anyone who opposed that is a dangerous dupe of the Soviets who wants America to be overrun. Wolverines!
Even worse, did you know that de Blasio's father was an ardent supporter of Hitler? It's totally true! Johnson managed to find (or someone sent him, let's be real) a 1938 Yale Daily News article about a foreign policy debate at the Yale Political Union, where de Blasio's father, Warren Wilhelm, said that Neville Chamberlain's compromise on Czechoslovakia was the "least terrible" alternative in Europe at the time. Surely now the people of New York will throw out this criminal Soviet-hugger whose father helped Hitler annex the Sudetenland! Damn him, damn him forever for his betrayal of America and freedom! Never mind that Wilhlem said what a lot of people were saying in 1938 -- like the leader of Great Britain. Even more damning, according to Johnson, the media has covered up this outrageous disloyalty by a then-undergrad student:
The New York Times didn’t reveal DeBlasio’s father’s appeasement views ahead of the 2013 mayoral election.
We really do need more information on what politicians' parents thought prior to World War II.
Oh, and as sane person Charles Johnson (different guy) of Little Green Footballs notes, "the man Johnson is viciously smearing as an 'appeaser of Hitler' is a decorated war hero who lost a leg in combat during World War II." Warren Wilhelm, that Hitler-lover, ultimately received the Bronze Star for his service during the Battle of Okinawa; perhaps Chuck C. Johnson will demand that it be posthumously rescinded.
In any case, Johnson is quite certain that he's got the goods on Bill de Blasio, and he won't settle until he answers fro whatever crimes he's undoubtedly committed:
Oh, mercy -- the revelations have all been so explosive so far. We have to agree with this smartass who replied to Johnson:
We won't be holding our breath for this one. We learned our lesson waiting for Glenn Beck to reveal information that would change the world forever. And in the meantime, Johnson has moved on to fantasizing about challenging one of his critics, Business Insider reporter Hunter Walker, to a duel:
He's been feuding with Walker for a while now, and wants the world to know he is pretty handy in a dustup:
And once, while ogling a stewardess, he shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Shine on, you crazy cubic zirconium.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.