It's like the Brady Bunch, except all of them are AWARD-WINNING.

Time to check in with Dana Rohrabacher, the elected Republican from Orange County, California, who mostly represents the Kremlin's interests in Congress (since moving on from being literal actual BFFs with, and we are not kidding here, THE TALIBAN). He's been traveling again, but this time he didn't go to Moscow to get marching orders. Instead, he was in London, palling around with one of Moscow's most finely aged tools, Julian Assange, who is still hiding inside the Ecuadorian embassy like a pussy. If you're wondering why THE FUCK Rohrabacher is meeting with Assange, you are asking the correct question. If you're also wondering why THE FUCKITY FUCK the internet's greatest loser troll, Chuck C. Johnson, also attended the meeting ... just holy shit. Because this is a thing that happened.

The Daily Caller explains:

Charles Johnson, a conservative journalist, told TheDC that he arranged the meeting for Assange because the WikiLeaks chief wants to strike a deal with the U.S. so he can stop living in asylum.

Johnson is not a "journalist," just like Julian Assange is not a "good person," so let's not be cute. Just kidding, he is an AWARD-WINNING JOURNALIST, which he will tell you all the time, like if you were so desperate for human interaction that you talked to Chuck C. Johnson.

ANYWAY. According to Johnson (whom you'd also know was an award-winning journalist if you googled him, you prick), the deal is that Rohrabacher, doing Moscow's bidding we guess, will go visit Comrade Trump in the White House, to try to make an Art Of The Deal to let Julian Assange become a free man. And it's no big deal, because Julian Assange has committed NO CRIMES (certainly nothing rapey in Sweden, and DEFINITELY not working with the Russians to tinker with the 2016 election in favor of one Donald John Trump). Indeed, Assange assured Rohrabacher of that:

After TheDC broke the news of the meeting, Rohrabacher put out a statement in which he said Assange “emphatically stated that the Russians were not involved in the hacking or disclosure of those emails.”

We're convinced! (Dana Rohrabacher is convinced, because on top of being Moscow's errand boy, he is also very stupid.)

Of course, it's possible that Assange has no idea he's been working for the Russians this whole time. Russia is big on co-opting useful idiots like that.

Here's the statement from Rohrabacher's office, confirming the meeting:

We notice a couple things here right off the bat. First of all, it's creepy and weird that Rohrabacher "plans to divulge more of what he found directly to President Trump," as if Julian Assange should have a right to be passing fake news love notes to the American president. Also, we're worried Trump will believe whatever Rohrabacher says Assange told him, because he too is a very stupid and gullible man.

Hey, maybe Assange's message contains flat-out conspiracy lies about how Hillary Clinton colluded with Ukraine to steal the election from herself! Because that's the counter-narrative America's enemies in Moscow and inside the White House want people to believe.

We're also amused by the editorial paragraph in the congressman's official statement, where it states as fact that the WikiLeaks emails revealed that the 2016 Democratic primary was #RIGGED against Bernie Sanders. Way to get that Russian dezinformatsiya in there, Congressman! We bet Putin is IMPRESSED.

OK, so Rohrabacher is trying to free Assange from his shackles, he's passing Assange's bullshit candygrams on to Trump, and AWARD-WINNING JOURNALIST Chuck C. Johnson set it all up. Anything else we should know? Oh just this thing Rohrabacher told The Hill:

“Julian passionately argued the case that WikiLeaks was vital to informing the public about controversial though necessary issues. He hoped that WikiLeaks — an award-winning journalistic operation — might be granted a seat in the White House press corps. As a former newsman myself I can't see a reason why they shouldn't be granted news status for official press conferences,” he said.

Holy CHRIST. Look, we know the Trump White House will let any AWARD-WINNING loser troll into its press room, and that the Trump White House is a big fan of all kinds of apeshit AWARD-WINNING fake news reported by dudes who raise money for ACTUAL NAZIS, but even in Trump's America of 2017, some things should still be considered beyond the pale, and JULIAN FUCKING ASSANGE IN THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS ROOM IS ONE OF THEM.

We reiterate: WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY? To all of this!

WHY is Chuck C. Johnson arranging meetings between Republican congressmen and Julian Assange to convince Trump to spring him from Ecuadorian embassy prison and give him a free ticket to the White House? And does CIA Director Mike Pompeo know about this? Because we seem to remember Pompeo recently calling Assange a literal Nazi. And does Attorney General Jeff Sessions know about this? Because we're pretty sure Sessions announced in April that it's a "priority" for his Justice Department to put Assange IN AMERICAN JAIL.

Fuck this, as it's making our head hurt worse than it already was.

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[Daily Caller / The Hill]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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