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Nice Justice Department, Jeff. Would be a damn shame if something happened to it.


SHHHHHH! POPPY, WE CAN HEAR YOU!

Hooboy! Grampa Corn is saying all the quiet parts out loud this week! Yesterday Chuck Grassley read Attorney General Jeff Sessions for filth over his opposition to the Senate's sentencing reform bill. Has Jeff Sessions forgotten that Chuck Grassley protected him from those nosy Democrats asking questions about the one million Russian meetings he failed to disclose? Does that little elf think he's in charge just because he has a fancy Department of Justice job now?

Chuck Grassley brought you into the world, Jeff Sessions! And he can take you out and make another one JUST LIKE YOU. Which is exactly what he told those nice young reporters, as one does. From Bloomberg:

They wanted to call him back every other day for additional hearings about his Russian connection, and I shut them off of that until we had the normal oversight hearing in October I believe it was, see? And the president was going to fire him, and I backed him, you know? So why wouldn’t I be irritated?

Did Chuck Grassley just admit to interfering in the Russia investigation for political purposes? And is he now claiming a right to veto executive branch policy decisions because Jeff Session owes him?

Not for nothing, but the 84-year-old Senator seems a smidge disinhibited.

Long tassels, don't care!

The trouble all started in October when Grassley, known bleeding-heart liberal, sponsored the Sentencing Reform and Corrections Act to shrink the federal prison population, eliminate "three strikes" life sentence requirements, reduce mandatory minimums for non-violent drug crimes, and increase judicial discretion. It would also retroactively reduce sentences for people who got extra time for crimes involving crack (as opposed to powder) cocaine. Which all seems very reasonable, unless you are a demented little leprechaun who sees REEFER MADNESS MS-13 around every corner. Jeff Sessions will protect Real Americans from those THUGS who rape our precious white women!

Mandatory minimums now! Mandatory minimums tomorrow! Mandatory minimums forever!

Does Jeff Sessions think he's still a senator who gets to make laws? Because Chuck Grassley has news for you, Jeff Sessions. It was not easy jamming through your chicken-fried steak with Russian dressing -- "Look at how hard it was for me to get him through committee in the United States Senate." So now Chuck Grassley, a senator, will tell you what the law is! And you will carry it out, sir! Via Politico,

It’s Senator Sessions talking, not a person whose job it is to execute law, and quite frankly I’m very incensed. [...] If he wanted to do this, he should have done what people suggested to him before: resign from attorney general and run for the Senate in Alabama again. We’d have a Republican senator.

Nice job, Jeff! Now we have Doug Jones to deal with.

Chuck Grassley shares his recipe for delicious Political Sausage

It's not like you can lobby that illiterate moron in the Oval Office. Per Bloomberg,

I’ve got people in the White House sympathetic to it but feel corralled by Sessions and a president that hasn’t dug into it.

Hasn't dug into it. HASN'T DUG INTO IT. Okay.

Chuck Grassley has dug into it, though, and he decided that Republicans can finally do the right thing on sentencing reform now that there's absolutely zero political risk involved.

"The argument that was used inside the Republican caucus was you had five or six senators had a tough race and if you wanted to keep control of the Senate you had to help these people out," by putting the bill on a shelf.

"We don’t have that problem this time, and this time we’ve got a Republican president that needs some bipartisan victories and for sure this would be a big bipartisan victory for him," Grassley said.

Cheese and crackers, Jeff! Sure they let thousands of people rot in jail for years on end when there were Republican seats at stake. But it's not like this vote will hurt Dean Heller. The president can take a break from watching Fox & Friends, take a victory lap as the nation's bipartisan healer, and then they can all go back to obstructing the Russia investigation.

And, oh by the way, Jeff. One of the reasons Trump didn't fire you was because Senator Cornhole made it clear that he wasn't going to confirm any replacement nominee.

And look at, when the president was going to fire him, I went to his defense.

Chuck Grassley hopes nothing happens to your job security, Jeff. And it would be a real shame if whoever you nominate to replace Rachel Brand couldn't make it out of the Judiciary Committee.

The Iowa Republican said “all kinds of” potentially polarizing Justice Department nominees who have proved “very difficult to get through the United States Senate” have also landed in his lap as chief of the influential Judiciary Committee.

Nice Justice Department, Jeff Sessions. Hope it doesn't burn down.

SUCH A SHAME THEY CAN'T BOTH LOSE.

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[Bloomberg / Politico]

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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