Click Here For Bristol Palin's One Weird Bible Investing Nutrition Trick!

Gather round, dearies, and take unto your hearts and brainstems the latest wisdom pearl from America's Kundun, the preternaturally deep and soulful Bristol Palin. Once again,no need to click; here it is in its entirety!

I came across this Scripture and wanted to pass it along.

“The blessing of The Lord brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it.” Proverbs 10:22

This reminds me of that old saying “you’re either sleeping well, or eating well.”

Well, the good news is that you can have both with God’s blessing!

It reminds me of when I was on Dancing with the Stars, especially the first time. I knew God’s plan for my life would always be bigger and better than a reality show. I knew whatever was to happen, would happen.

There’s freedom in that.

God has given me so much! That means I’m able to “sleep well,” and ”eat well” with all of his blessings.

First of all: what?

Second of all: huh?

Third of all: no, really. Do you understand this? Because there is a rollicking attempted parsing going on in Wonket's secret chatcave, and we are plumb phlumpherpated, in our noggins!

First we thought, "is Bristol Palin's ghostwriter talking about being stricken by gout?" Then we wondered about this "old saying," but Snipy looked it up, and it is indeed a saying, if someone saying it in 1896 and then someone repeating it in a 2011 bloggy post makes it a "saying," which, of course it does.

Then we wondered, is it a camel's-eye threat to robber barons about the Scroogian ghosts who would haunt their dreams until they did as Jesus commanded, sold their possessions and gave the proceeds to the Poor, and followed Him? But Snipy explained no, it is not about Jesus, or His thoughts on the moneychangers; it is about high-risk investment vs. low-risk investment. What do you suppose Bristol's investments are in? We had WaMu stock. That did not go awesome.

But Bristol does not seem to think it is about high-risk investment vs. low-risk investment, she seems to think it is about the Prosperity Gospel, probably the "Parable of the Talents," which is some bullshit (the Prosperity Gospel, not the Parable of the Talents) we will let Al Franken explain:

So, okay. Then the thing about how it reminds her of being on Dancing With the Stars, but she knew she would be bigger than Dancing With the Stars? Nope. No idea. Leave your take, in the comments!

You know what it reminds us of? When our college roommate, the theater student, paid us a hundred clams to write a paper on Ibsen's Doll's House for her, and we made it kind of stupid on purpose, with run-on sentences and such, so her professor wouldn't doubt she'd written it, and then we offered to give her her money back because we got her a D.

Do more better, Nancy French.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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