Cliven Bundy's 'Legal Idiot' Son Ryan Running For Governor Of Nevada Legal Idiots
All you need to run a state is a personal militia, God's endorsement, and a pocket Constitution
God, the Creator of the Universe and Supreme Being, has denied any involvement in yesterday's decision by Ryan Bundy, son of welfare rancher Cliven Bundy, to run as an independent candidate for governor of Nevada. "No thank you. I'm busy enough with the NCAA tournament, lost kittens, and any number of college entrance exams. Whatever he may say, I have no input whatsoever on that durn fool's political decisions," the Lord Of Hosts announced through a burning spokesbush. "Last advice I gave him was to take up a nice quiet hobby like antiquing, and next thing I know he's seized a wildlife refuge. Whole family's nuts, you ask Me."
The younger Bundy, who during his trial for the takeover of the Oregon wildlife refuge went full-bozo Sovereign Citizen and declared himself an "idiot of the Legal Society," to whom man's law doesn't apply, made the announcement during an interview with the Nevada Independent. He plans to file his candidacy March 14 and then go on a speaking tour of the state, which ought to make for some interesting video as he lays forth his political philosophy. It is unclear at this early date whether he will insist his campaign bus display only homemade cardboard license plates.
“The state of Nevada needs someone who will stand up for statehood, and recognize that Nevada is a sovereign state, not just a province of the U.S.,” he said.
“Land is already appropriated to various users, but it needs to put into production for the benefit of the people of Nevada,” he said. “I fully intended to make sure that happens.”
While Mr. Bundy didn't elaborate on that, we figure it's safe to assume he means that whoever shows up with a four-wheeler, some rifles, and a drilling rig (or some starving cattle) gets whatever he wants. Yes, he, because are there women in the Bible? There are not.
While Cliven and his dangerously eccentric offspring believe the federal government has no authority over Western land, including the federal land Bundy grazed his cattle on, the Nevada Independent notes, with puckish Nevadan understatement, the family's pet legal theory is one "that many legal experts and courts have dismissed." Back in 2015, an attempt to enshrine Bundythink in Nevada state law, led by crazypants nakedness-area-owner Michele Fiore -- got laughed right out of the state legislature because it turns out that even in Nevada, the majority of legislators recognize there's a difference between the actual Constitution and the strange mental construct the Bundys imagine to be the "Constitution."
With Gov. Brian Sandoval leaving office due to term limits, there are already lively races for the Republican and Democratic nominations for governor. Ryan Bundy's independent campaign probably won't end with his becoming governor, but it will be interesting to see whether Bundy will be kind enough to split the Republican vote for the Democrats. Bundy, who believes his family's struggle against the federal government fulfills an obscure semi-heretical prophecy believed in by some Mormon schismatics, certainly has plenty of experience with dividing the faithful.
Yr Wonkette wishes him all sorts of luck, and we'd like to remind him that occupying federal land and heading to jail again is not generally a good electoral strategy. Sure, Eugene V. Debs did manage to run for president while in prison, but he was a socialist, and Ryan Bundy wouldn't want to emulate one of those.
Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter
MODERATOR NOTE: Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comment Moderator reminds you Terrible Ones not to make fun of Ryan Bundy's face, which droops on one side because as a child he was hit by a car and that accident drove splinters of bone into his brain. Also, no, his father didn't run over him, either, that's an internet rumor and completely untrue.
The guy's politics and worldview are horrible, and that's plenty for you to focus on. Making fun of his looks is as off-limits as making fun of anyone else's disability, and I will redact any comments that do so.
-- Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.