CO Rep. Klingenschmitt Booted By Fellow Republicans For Being A Jerk
In yet another example of the persecution of Bible-believing Christians in America, wingnut Internet preacher and actual member of the Colorado House of Representatives Gordon Klingenschmitt has been stripped of his membership on a House committee because even his fellow Republicans are finally fed up and disgusted by him.
Republican House Minority Leader Brian DelGrosso said that removing Klingenschmitt from one of his two committee assignments was a "disciplinary action" for his widely denounced insistence that a brutal attack on a pregnant woman was a sign that God had cursed America for legal abortion. Klingenschmitt insists he is being victimized for preaching the Bible, the poor thing.
Bloggers covering the "Fundamentalists Saying Dumb Shit" beat were briefly saddened by the related news that Klingenschmitt will suspend his "Pray in Jesus Name" show, a reliable source of stories for slow news days, but it turns out the hiatus will only last six weeks, until the end of the legislative session. We can get by on Pat Robertson, Bryan Fischer, Kevin Swanson, and a host of other loons while "Dr. Chaps" recharges his Derp Batteries. As a committed atheist, Yr. Doktor Zoom is fairly sure there's no Jehovah, but the fact that Gordon Klingenschmitt has a career in public life does make us speculate that any number of mythological Trickster figures are quite real. Loki, Coyote, Anansi, and others seem determined to make their presence felt in our world.
The Denver Post reports that outrage at Klingenschmitt has finally crossed partisan lines:
The left regularly pounces on his remarks, but Republicans were aghast at his comments last week when he referenced the attack on 26-year-old Michelle Wilkins of Longmont. She survived but her 34-week-old baby girl did not.
"This is the curse of God upon America for our sin of not protecting innocent children in the womb, and part of that curse for our rebellion against God as a nation is that our pregnant women are ripped open," Klingenschmitt said.
After a prolonged rant that his stance had been distorted by the media, Klingenschmitt apologized for his statement, which he said was "not compassionate" and "wrong." That said, he's still plenty pissed that he's facing any consequences for his video ministry, because gosh darn it, he was clearly wearing his Minister of the Lord hat and not his Colorado State Representative hat when he said all that stuff. In an op-ed for the Colorado Statesman, Klingenschmitt wailed at length about the unfairness of it all, comparing himself to biblical speakers of God's Own Truth:
In the Old Testament, they didn't elect prophets. They stoned them. I didn't come here to be a career politician. I came to speak truth.
Of course, they also stoned heretics, because Yahweh was pretty big on piling rocks on just about everybody back then. After saying that he'd be suspending his dumb Internet teevee show so he could devote his full attention to the people of his district -- lucky them! -- Klingenschmitt got to the column's true purpose, dishing out the butthurt:
Now The Denver Post reports that because I quoted unpopular Bible verses from the pulpit in my Sunday ministry, the legislative branch of the Colorado government will remove me from a committee.
While I respect his position, I disagree with Leader Brian DelGrosso's decision, because it clearly establishes an unprecedented religious litmus test for which representatives can sit on what committees.
I was not driving drunk, I was not arrested by the police, I am literally being punished for quoting unpopular Bible verses in my Sunday church, or interpreting the Old Testament differently than Leader DelGrosso interprets it, during my private ministry outside the Capitol. Is that suddenly a crime?
Um. When your "private ministry" exists in a studio -- no matter how cheesy -- and is distributed to the world on YouTube, you're not exactly just yapping from a pulpit in a little log chapel in the piney woods, buster.
Klingenschmitt then proceeded to fib about his departure from the U.S. Navy:
This is not the first time that a branch of the government has reached into my chapel and punished me for my sermons. It also happened when I was a chaplain in the Navy in 2005. That unlawful punishment helped launch 300,000 petitions and I was eventually vindicated by Congress, because their voters demanded religious freedom. Will we?
Except that he wasn't punished for the content of his sermons, or even for saying "Jesus" in his prayers as a chaplain, no matter how many times he claims he was. He was disciplined for disobeying a standing order against attending a political demonstration in his Navy uniform, an order that applies to all members of the armed forces, not just oppressed Christian ones. Silly us, we thought that lying was supposed to be a sin or something. Maybe he needs a five-ton Ten Commandments monument in his studio.
Still, he bravely persists in promising that he will serve both God and the people of state District 15, albeit on separate timecards:
Here in Colorado, officials can't claim we have freedom to preach, then levy government punishments for doing that. That endangers everybody's religious freedom.
The government is now forcing me to choose between obeying God on Sunday, and representing the people Monday through Friday. That's a hard choice. I want to do both, but party leaders are essentially saying I cannot. I say the people of Colorado will decide my fate, not the establishment.
In May and June I will ask my supporters in House District 15 whether I should run for re-election in 2016. This is their seat, not mine, and I trust their judgment.
It's possible he may not have to wait that long. The Denver Post notes that Gina Knaack, a Democrat from District 15 has "sought information from the secretary of state about how to do a recall, although she is unsure if she will proceed." We say go for it, Ms. Knaack -- you just know that God's going to tell the little prick he needs to run again. Sun-Wukong the Monkey King has kind of a warped sense of humor that way.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.