Coked-Up 'Hip-Hop Conservative' Congressman Trey Radel Is The Rob Ford America Has Been Waiting For

Have you tired of watching Rob Ford gifs yet? Haha no because that will never get old. But we have been feeling a little bit like we're not pulling our weight, drug-scandal-wise, here in 'Merica, and now Congressman Trey Radel (R-Fl) has taken care of that by getting hisself arrested for cocaine possession. USA USA!

Politico, who must have someone who just spelunks through DC arrest records with a list of Congresscritters in hand, god love 'em, scared up the little tidbit that Radel was arrested back on October 29 for riding the white horse. And truly, it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

Who is Trey Radel, you are asking. First off, he's the doofus who called himself a "hip-hop conservative" in a little self-promotional bit that BuzzFeed let him write.

Unlike most young, white teenagers growing up in the suburbs of Cincinnati, Ohio, my favorite musicians were hip hop artists, including rappers such as Eric B., Big Daddy Kane and Chuck D of Public Enemy.

Um, dude? These aren't exactly super underground artists. Most of your suburban friends were probably fighting the power too. He went on to explain how Chuck D really speaks to him, which means that he actually isn't hearing a word old Chuck says.

Explaining the Republican Party, Chuck D said he feels they want to wipe black people off the face of the Earth. In their minds, according to Chuck, they see black people as immigrants who have come to the United States illegally and undocumented. Without Barack Obama as president for another four years, Chuck D sees this coming into play. Chuck D also pointed out how much work Obama has done over the past three years and how a rival candidate would not be able to handle the job.

Ouch. Sorry, Trey, but Chuck D never rapped about how he likes to score blow, so we guess his music isn't speaking to you so much anymore. (Hint, white boy, that was Grandmaster Flash, sort of*.)

Radel is also one of the freshmen Congressidiots that demanded the one millionth vote to repeal Obamacare because all the cool other votes had happened before he got there.

“We have not had a chance as freshmen to do that,” said first-term Rep. Trey Radel (R-FL). “Even if it’s just symbolic — and even if we understand that process-wise we are not going to be able to say, okay we want repeal, it’s done, and it’s over. But this is the issue that so many people around the country who love the Republican Party are frustrated with.”

Good thing that Radel believes in healthcare for he but not for thee, because he's going to need it now that he is going to go to rehab. 

"I'm profoundly sorry to let down my family, particularly my wife and son, and the people of Southwest Florida," Radel said in a statement released Tuesday. "I struggle with the disease of alcoholism, and this led to an extremely irresponsible choice. As the father of a young son and a husband to a loving wife, I need to get help so I can be a better man for both of them."

Radel continued: "Believe me, I am disappointed in myself, and I stand ready to face the consequences of my actions. However, this unfortunate event does have a positive side. It offers me an opportunity to seek treatment and counseling. I know I have a problem and will do whatever is necessary to overcome it, hopefully setting an example for others struggling with this disease."

See? He IS our own little Rob Ford, because of what how it is the demon rum that made him do cocaine! Alcohol. Is there anything it can't do? Enjoy your sweet-ass taxpayer funded stay at whatever the DC equivalent of the Betty Ford Clinic is, moocher.

* Read this if you want to learn that EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW IS A LIE.

[ Politico / USA Today ]