Completely Sane Colorado Republican Explains Fracking Perfectly Fine, Since Water Has Always Caught Fire
Colorado state Senator Randy Baumgardner and his epic Mustache of Justice may have failed in theirquest to unseat U.S. Sen. Mark Udall -- as it turns out, Baumgardner didn't even qualify for the primary -- but that doesn't mean that the man and the mustache have any intention of letting liberals run rampant with their fakey stories about fracking being bad for children or other living things. In fact, he told Wonkette's favorite disgraced former chaplain Gordon “Dr. Chaps” Klingenschmitt, there is nothing unusual about tapwater smelling like an oil well or catching on fire, because according to Science Facts that he happens to know real good, it's all perfectly natural.
In an interview aired on Klingenschmitt's "radio" show, Baumgardner explained the real true and natural science of kitchen sinks that burst into flame:
"They talk about methane in the water and this, that, and the other," Baumgardner told Klingenschmitt, "but if you go back in history and look at how the Indians traveled, they traveled to the burning waters. And that was methane in the waters and that was for warmth in the wintertime. So a lot of people, if they just trace back the history, they'll know how a lot of this is propaganda"
As an indication of just how vast the liberal cover up of this basic and true historical fact is, you won't find any similar description of "burning waters" anywhere on Google, except of course in articles on Randy "Mr. Doubtfire" Baumgardner.
Some people complain to the government or call for oppressive, job-killing regulations when their kitchen sink starts shooting out flammable gas. Randy Baumgardner, apparently, hangs a dreamcatcher and thanks the Great Spirit. We'd also like to ask him if he also opposes treating municipal drinking water with chlorine, since that robs people of their natural right to slowly build up an immunity to bacteria.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.