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Comrade Obama Joins Wonkette War On Christmas With Halal Sharia Brigade

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Take a moment to remember where you were and what you were doing today because today, this Black Friday 2012, is likely the last time Americans will be allowed to partake in the sacred pre-Christmas tradition of lining up outside big box stores to purchase $5 DVD players. And not just because solid state media is basically obsolete.


As everyone knows, Barack Obama is a secret Muslim. He plans to use his second term to implement Sharia Law and turn America into a socialist Islamist theocracy. That means Christmas will be outlawed in the FEMA Camps! Because Obama doesn't like it when anyone else gives gifts -- especially gifts for non-browns and non-sluts.

To show you what this nightmare look like, Wonkette operatives bravely traveled to Dearborn, Michigan, where Sharia is already practiced openly, to infiltrate and document the Tehran-like Fairlane Town Center mall. Most American malls are currently engaged in the wholesome, Christian practice of over-commercializing Christmas, but things are very different at Fairlane. Take a good look because this is the hell that awaits us in Obama's second term.

In the 1980s, Fairlane sold Chuck Taylors and Walkmans. In the 1990s, it was Nirvana CDs and Tickle Me Elmo dolls. The 2000s, iPods and Rip Hamilton jerseys. In Obama's dark future? A big box full of honor killings and burkas all wrapped up with pretty ribbons and bows.

Where is Santa? Oh, just hanging out at the Hamas training camp.

And when Santa does return at 2:05, they'll keep him stashed in Auda Abu Tayi's bedouin ice tent.

When America becomes a Sharia terror state all the food will be Halal. Not just Halal meat. There are studies underway to make Halal salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk...even Halal Cinnabon. Can you imagine, Mandrake? Halal Cinnabon.

Ladies, take a look at the Islamicly-appropriate modest clothing you're likely to find next year under the Muhammad birthday bush or whatever.

There's even Sharia lingerie. You'll have to share it with your sister wives because the Qu'ran allows men to take four brides.

Oh. My. God. Allah. Forever (Agenda) 21. It's all so clear now. The circle is complete.

Will they recruit our children? Yes, they will recruit our children. These are the clothes children will be forced to wear to the FEMA Camp madrassa.

Tween girls will be recruited, also.

Just look at Secret Muslim Obama's deviousness. You can hear the libruls now: "Oh see, Obama will allow us to continue celebrating Christmas alongside his Islamic holidays. Why there will even be 25 days of Christmas in Obama's Sharia America." Don't be fooled. 25 days of Christmas? That's almost a month. You know what else lasts a month? Ramadan. Think about that. Yeah.

الأمل والتغيير

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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