Gather 'round, little children, for we have a heartwarming story about Walmart, ISIS, cake, and this one Louisiana dumbass named Chuck Netzhammer, who is very sad about how America is stomping all over his beloved traitor Confederate flag. So, because he thinks he is S-M-R-T, he went to the Walmart and said probably something along the lines of "please make me a cake with my favorite flag in the world on it, the one that represents the seditious loser nation that lost the Civil War, for if I do not get this cake, I fear I will never achieve erection again." Walmart was like "nah, bro." Netzhammer then had A Idea, so he changed tactics and requested the flag of ANOTHER loser "nation," the Islamic State, also known as ISIS, or if you are a loser president like Obama, "ISIL."

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Of course, the flag doesn't just come right out and say "I AM THE FLAG OF THE SHITBAG TERRORIST GROUP KNOWN AS ISIS," unless you are fluent in Arabic, which we're guessing is not common among Walmart bakery workers in Slidell, Louisiana. So they made Netzhammer the stupid cake, which led him to say "QED muhfuckers!"

And then, in a stunning continuing display of dumbassery, he posted a video about it on YouTube. Look at this nitwit:

Netzhammer is very upset that he's got this ISIS cake just sitting around, but you can't buy a "Confederate flag toy." And he is correct, because know what? Fuck all you rednecks.

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Toward the end of the video, Netzhammer asks Walmart, "Please explain why you are alienating Southern Americans with this trash that you allow to be sold in your store, while at the same point, Confederate flag memorabilia is not allowed?" We were not aware that Southern Americans are somehow more alienated by ISIS flags than the rest of the American population, but that's probably because, though yr Wonkette is a Southern American, we have been playing hooky from acting like an aggrieved racist Southern pussy for all of the years of our life.

Walmart's explanation is simple: "An associate in a local store did not know what the design meant and made a mistake. The cake should not have been made and we apologize." The spokesperson did not add, "and also, stop wasting our time, you bag of Bubba dicks."

Note to bakers in Slidell, Louisiana:  Dude will probably be coming back, and soon, with a request for a rainbow flag cake. Please decorate it with dildos and buttplugs.

[ABC via USA Today]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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