Confirmed: Ron Paul Is A Hobbit, Will Throw Power Ring Into Fire Mountain
For years and years, society ("the Wonkette blog") has suspected that Doctor Congressman Ron Paul was a prickly hobbit from the Shire, where the hobbits live in isolation and smoke the Forest Weede all day. If not this, then what? And so we thank Ron Paul senior campaign adviser aide person Doug Wead for finally fessing up: Dr. Paul is in fact a hobbit, and he *will* -- this is a campaign pledge, folks, bookmark it -- he *will* destroy the One Ring To Rule Them All in Mount Doom when he gets the chance, unlike that toolshed Mitt Romney.
Wead gives the hot scoop to Time magazine who (sigh) bury it midway through this story about how Mitt Romney is trying to purchase Ron Paul, having already purchased all other things:
Paul’s acolytes insist their man cannot be bought. “Romney wants the ring of power. He wants it so bad,” says Doug Wead, a Paul senior adviser. “Negotiating with Ron Paul is very difficult because he doesn’t want anything. If he got the ring, he would throw it into Mount Doom.”
The Time writer's next sentence: "Maybe so, but at 76, Paul is understandably concerned about the future of his movement." Wow, way to follow up after he just revealed to you that presidential candidate Ron Paul is a New Zealand forest monster. "Maybe so, but at 76..." C'mon. What are you? You're fired is what.
Anyway, what do you all think about fast-tracking the meme-ification of "Romney wants the ring of power. He wants it so bad..."? Let's just use this all the time until Mitt Romney loses to Ron Paul.