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Congrats GOP Septuagenarian, You Are In Jail For Trying To Rape A Lady On Skype!

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Olds. They are always burning up your phone like "how do I get to the Wonkette.com?" and "what's a url?" and "oh no I accidentally attempted to rape a young lady while the Skype was skypeing and the police saw the Skype and now I am IN JAIL!" Learn some computer stuff, olds! Don't go to JAIL!


First! Are you enjoying a pleasant afternoon with a young lady? Try not to rape her! Second, if you have to attempt to rape her, make sure the Skype is not broadcasting and pointing at her ... couch? Unknown. Third, if you simply can't not do the aforementioned raping and Skype broadcasting during your attempted raping, do your best not to be a political official about whom Wonkette would care to publish the fact that you are a septuagenarian attempted rapist :(

Billy Joe Turnage, 76, was trying to rape a 39-year-old woman at her home one fine afternoon, but whoops, her computer was on and Skypeing, and whomever she'd been Skypeing with (hopefully someone HOT and SEXY and not 76 years old) called the police, who were like, "Hmmm, this sure looks like an attempted rape to us," and arrested poor Billy Joe Turnage, 76. Did we mention he is chair of the Union County, Georgia, GOP? Well, we have mentioned it now.

The victim was uninjured, probably because she just twisted his sad little septuagenarian chicken arm behind his little old man back until he cried and apologized. At least, that is how we like to picture it. Unless that is what he was actually going for, we wouldn't put it past him since he seems like a sick fuck. Now that he is in jail, perhaps he should take the advice often given to rape victims, and just lay back and enjoy it and think about the weather.

[RawStory]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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On Monday, someone attempted to murder George Soros by putting a bomb in his mailbox. Also on Monday, someone threw a rock into House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy's office. Also, I spilled some hot coffee on myself. These are all things that happened on Monday, and were by some measure unpleasant. While most people might say, "Yes, all of those things are unpleasant, but they are not equal degrees of unpleasant," most people are not Chuck Schumer.

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Republicans are KILLIN' IT in Florida, you guys! No worries about election day, Gators. It's all smooooooth sailing for the Sunshine State GOP. Just take it from Governor Rick Scott's lead pollster Wes Anderson, who produced a whimsical, unskewed poll for the campaign, featuring nostalgic jams about high Republican turnout in those good old days, telling the Tampa Bay Times,

As the linked slides indicate, Governor Scott currently leads Senator Nelson 51% to 46%, a lead that is outside of the margin of error.

It should also be noted that this sample from last week is very robust at 2,200 interviews of likely voters, stratified by county to reflect historic mid-term turnout. Our sample shows the Republicans with a one-point turnout advantage, even though we believe we will end up with a two- or three-point advantage. For historical context, in the past two mid-term elections Republicans had a four-point advantage in 2010 and a three-point advantage in 2014. At R+1, that makes our current sample a very conservative take on the likely partisan composition of this year's electorate.

NEEDZ MOAR BILL MURRAY.

No other pollster has replicated those numbers, with SurveyUSA, Quinnipiac, and CNN/SSRS all finding Bill Nelson in the lead, but if OnMessage, Inc. says Scott is running way ahead, then it must be true! Only OnMessage promises to "take your principles, your experience, and your opponent's weaknesses to develop a winning message plan that the voters will embrace." And who wouldn't trust a push pollster, right?

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