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Congrats GOP Septuagenarian, You Are In Jail For Trying To Rape A Lady On Skype!

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Olds. They are always burning up your phone like "how do I get to the Wonkette.com?" and "what's a url?" and "oh no I accidentally attempted to rape a young lady while the Skype was skypeing and the police saw the Skype and now I am IN JAIL!" Learn some computer stuff, olds! Don't go to JAIL!


First! Are you enjoying a pleasant afternoon with a young lady? Try not to rape her! Second, if you have to attempt to rape her, make sure the Skype is not broadcasting and pointing at her ... couch? Unknown. Third, if you simply can't not do the aforementioned raping and Skype broadcasting during your attempted raping, do your best not to be a political official about whom Wonkette would care to publish the fact that you are a septuagenarian attempted rapist :(

Billy Joe Turnage, 76, was trying to rape a 39-year-old woman at her home one fine afternoon, but whoops, her computer was on and Skypeing, and whomever she'd been Skypeing with (hopefully someone HOT and SEXY and not 76 years old) called the police, who were like, "Hmmm, this sure looks like an attempted rape to us," and arrested poor Billy Joe Turnage, 76. Did we mention he is chair of the Union County, Georgia, GOP? Well, we have mentioned it now.

The victim was uninjured, probably because she just twisted his sad little septuagenarian chicken arm behind his little old man back until he cried and apologized. At least, that is how we like to picture it. Unless that is what he was actually going for, we wouldn't put it past him since he seems like a sick fuck. Now that he is in jail, perhaps he should take the advice often given to rape victims, and just lay back and enjoy it and think about the weather.

[RawStory]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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It started with them damn hats. (Image: Wikimedia Commons)

A guest post by "Knitsy McPurlson," which we suspect is not a real name.

Yr Wonkette is not the only website run by brilliant peoples unafraid to poke people with sharp, pointy sticks. Ravelry.com – a website for knitters, crocheters, and other folks interested in textiles and fiber arts – is poking people with knitting needles, which are very sharp indeed.

This past weekend, Ravelry.com's founders showed the world how easy it is to de-platform white nationalists and racists when they banned all "support of Donald Trump and his administration" from their website, concluding they "cannot provide a space that is inclusive of all and also allow support for open white supremacy." Seems like people smart enough to decode a knitting pattern are also smart enough to decode Trump's not-so-hidden message of racism and white nationalism.

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"Bubbie," they'll say, "how could this happen in America? How could there be toddlers sleeping on the ground without blankets, without soap or toothbrushes to clean themselves?"

"I don't know. I wish I had done more. I'm ashamed," I'll say. We will all have to answer for this atrocity. But some of us will have to answer more than others. Not just the archvillains like Stephen Miller and John Kelly, but the people who kept right on doing their jobs, even as those jobs morphed into defending concentration camps.

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